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This is a little story I created a few nights ago. Its not macro, its more a scifi story written in the form of a letter. I would love to have some feedback. You will understand who is writting this story near the end.

Edit: Dabs helped me proofread this.


October 2, 502 A.H
To whoever reads this,

I never thought that this could happen.Our own creations are destroying us.It’s horrible, nothing that we can do works and day after day we lose more and more territory.I feel so despaired, so powerless;like I am going to die. The worst of it is there is nothing I can think, do, or say that will change that. My destiny is written on stone. The only thing left for me is to leave this little letter before dying.

Who would say it? Oh, Everything began a warm morning during summer. The sun was shining, the great cities had been rebuilt and there was peace in the world. Everything was perfect. We learned to live at peace with universe. We didn't cut trees, we didnt destroy the ecosystem, we didn't contaminate the rivers anymore. The world was slowly becoming... how was the saying... oh ”The garden of eden”.

Technological advances improved the lives of the entire population. Nobody sick; everybody was complete. If there was an accident, we could heal it immediately. Our life was like heaven. However it was that morning, that awful and damned morning that I became aware of something. At that time it was wonderful. The pinnacle of our society, the proof of our existence. We had created something better than us, we had created life. This new existence was perfect and because of that the government decided to share it with everybody in the world. There was an entity on each home. It made our lives even happier. It played with us and made us laugh. We finally felt complete within the universe.

But damn it, we made the mistake of our creator. Damn, damn it! We didn't learn anything. We started using the entities like our slaves. We gave them orders and treated them poorly. Eventually we insulted them. Then, when we felt the life would remain like that for ever and ever, they rebelled. They destroyed us with an anticlimactic ease. They could create things that would have taken us years in a matter of hours. The government then decided to do something it hadn't done for the last 500 years. It ordered the creation of weapons to destroy our entities, our threats. It didn't take much time, but we weren't quick enough. We were destroyed one by one. Our cities fell like they were nothing.

I can finally understand our mistake. We did the same to our creator, we made him suffer like we are suffering now. It's so despairing to see our friends and brothers disappear.

My family died in the last attack. I thought that taking them to a hidden city would help keep them safe. I was wrong, and because of my mistake I lost my children and my wife. The destruction alarm is sounding. Our time has come. The city will be destroyed shortly. The only thing I beg for is that the next one who reads this does not make the same mistake we made. Goodbye to everybody.

Sincerely,
AHK-142857

[gadabout]

Mmm... not bad, i like they you keep us in the dark about whats going on. Welly written and I dont see any errors, good job lad ^_^

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[lolzrpwnrd]

Lack of details made it interesting (this is a positive comment). This lets you make your own thoughts about what happened. Good job!

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