Macrophile.com Forum Index Macrophile.com
The big macro discussion boards
 
 FAQFAQ   SearchSearch   MemberlistMemberlist   UsergroupsUsergroups   RegisterRegister 
 ProfileProfile   Log in to check your private messagesLog in to check your private messages   Log inLog in 

Gigantic And Mad
Goto page 1, 2, 3  Next
 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Macrophile.com Forum Index -> Macro Story
View previous topic :: View next topic  
Author Message
Thames Aldwych W. Mines
Getting Bigger
Getting Bigger


Joined: 31 Jul 2009
Posts: 12

PostPosted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 8:22 pm    Post subject: Gigantic And Mad Reply with quote

oo

Last edited by Thames Aldwych W. Mines on Sun Mar 28, 2010 1:15 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Duct Tape Fanatic
Has Duct Taped the Sphinx's Nose Back On.
Extinction Level Event


Joined: 29 Jan 2004
Posts: 1691
Location: Duct taping something.

PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 4:07 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Thanks for sharing, I'd like to offer some constructive criticism.

You should separate paragraphs with a blank space, it makes reading long forum posts easier on the eyes, walls of text tend to run together and blur things for the reader.

Second, your plot overshoots development too much, try to give a better explanation for Orly's anger; we know he's being whipped by his "bastard" trainers but what makes today so special? Why is he snapping now? Is a particular trainer too cruel to him?

Third, the growth. It just happens without explanation...you might want to add in an experiment or alien ray, it doesn' have to be believable, just plausible.

Fourth: proofread. You may have worked your ass off, but taking the extra time correcting typos and grammar goes a long way to keeping the audience hooked, it's especially critical at the beginning of the story, the first paragraph even. Nothing turns a reader off more than not being able to understand every other sentence.

This story has a lot of potential, with a little revision it could be much better, again, this is just some advice from a fellow writer so I hope it helps you in the future.

Good luck with future writings.

_________________
Fixing the world, one duct tape job at a time.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Rattus
Steve Jobs owns a PC.
Extinction Level Event


Joined: 04 Apr 2004
Posts: 4048
Location: Dela-fucking-ware.

PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 8:12 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

10/10
_________________
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message AIM Address
listix
Eternally Growing Fox
Extinction Level Event


Joined: 13 May 2007
Posts: 453
Location: La Paz, Bolivia

PostPosted: Fri Nov 06, 2009 8:53 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Let me add something for both Duct Tape Fanatic and Rattus.

Just check this thread:

http://forums.macrophile.com/viewtopic.php?t=15182

Does the story look familiar?

_________________
Furbase: listix
A life not fully enjoyed its a life completely wasted.

The favorite son of the universe.
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Visit poster's website
Black And White Fox
Custom Title
Extinction Level Event


Joined: 23 Jan 2009
Posts: 253
Location: Cygnus X-1

PostPosted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 3:21 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dude, that's plagiarism. He just copy and pasted my story. Thames, get a life.
_________________
The B & W Fox
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Thames Aldwych W. Mines
Getting Bigger
Getting Bigger


Joined: 31 Jul 2009
Posts: 12

PostPosted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 3:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

oo

Last edited by Thames Aldwych W. Mines on Sun Mar 28, 2010 1:16 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
gadabout
...
Extinction Level Event


Joined: 15 Apr 2008
Posts: 880
Location: somewhere...

PostPosted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 6:50 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

oh dear, oh dear, oh dear...

Ive seen some bold heathens in my day, but you sir, top the list.

_________________
I will remember and respect Baggy52. You are not forgotten


Curious-95.71% complete
Mathematical Inconsistency- Pending...
The Cave- Pending...

--poof--
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
dragon mith
we have a lock.
Extinction Level Event


Joined: 30 Jun 2009
Posts: 349
Location: at a computer

PostPosted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 9:32 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

whorlpool picture guy wrote his frist......
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message Send e-mail MSN Messenger
Thames Aldwych W. Mines
Getting Bigger
Getting Bigger


Joined: 31 Jul 2009
Posts: 12

PostPosted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 10:30 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

oo

Last edited by Thames Aldwych W. Mines on Sun Mar 28, 2010 1:16 am; edited 1 time in total
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
gadabout
...
Extinction Level Event


Joined: 15 Apr 2008
Posts: 880
Location: somewhere...

PostPosted: Sat Nov 07, 2009 11:02 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

all right all right...

lets get this settled then. When did black and white post his story and when did this guy post his?

_________________
I will remember and respect Baggy52. You are not forgotten


Curious-95.71% complete
Mathematical Inconsistency- Pending...
The Cave- Pending...

--poof--
Back to top
View user's profile Send private message
Display posts from previous:   
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Macrophile.com Forum Index -> Macro Story All times are GMT
Goto page 1, 2, 3  Next
Page 1 of 3

 
Jump to:  
You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum


Powered by phpBB © 2001, 2002 phpBB Group

Usage of this site is goverend by the AUP
© 1997-2008, Crescendo Communications
dynamically generated
<bennie @ macrophile.com>