Cooking With Bob

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Re: Cooking With Bob

Postby RaddaRaem » Mon Feb 17, 2014 12:29 am

Can't claim to be able to add much to what has already been said, given that I'm in agreement with Berserker and TendoTwo that the influx of thoughts/dialogue did get a little difficult to follow at the end, mostly with Bob's thoughts following immediately after Hank's spoken word in the larger paragraphs. Or at least I thought those were Bob's thoughts. Anywho, as has already been stated it was a unique and fun premise and glad to see something finally posted from you!
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Re: Cooking With Bob

Postby DreamspinnerSethan » Mon Feb 17, 2014 2:19 am

Nice story, real hard for me to pick up on minor details about the world which should make things make sense, not sure about a lot of things which left me confused on how to feel about it. There's macros/micros, furs/humans, and I'm not sure at all what exactly is the setting.

But the writing was interesting enough to keep me through to the end. Though still confused on a lot of things about the setting, and about why the job in a kitchen . . . why not retail, or fast food, or installation? Or teaching. (Actually, forget about the last one, that's something I've been trying like mad to write and finding no real work going through me.)

It's written well, I like the whole thing, and the nature of the questions left unanswered tell me it works as a short story even if I am curious about more. Rather than questioning the premise or picking holes in the writing, of course.
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Re: Cooking With Bob

Postby incongruency » Mon Feb 17, 2014 6:46 am

TendoTwo wrote:Was a bit disjointed but it did still feel like natural dialog, the only part of that I was a little confused on was who said "it's not like I'm some sort of freak" and what they meant by it. It sounded like Hank was saying he wasn't a freak for wanting to meet a human?

Essentially. That'd be a pretty odd thing to base your job hunt on, don't you think?

TendoTwo wrote:I actually don't recall when it happened during actions being taken, but it definitely was the paragraphs of dialog being interrupted by Bob's thoughts that I was talking about. The first time it happened when Bob thought "Unacceptable" I had to re-read it a few times to realize he was interrupting the dialog with his thoughts.

I'll have to find a better way to lay out the thoughts interrupting dialog, or just tone it down in general.

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RaddaRaem wrote:Can't claim to be able to add much to what has already been said, given that I'm in agreement with Berserker and TendoTwo that the influx of thoughts/dialogue did get a little difficult to follow at the end, mostly with Bob's thoughts following immediately after Hank's spoken word in the larger paragraphs. Or at least I thought those were Bob's thoughts. Anywho, as has already been stated it was a unique and fun premise and glad to see something finally posted from you!

Well I certainly know now what I need to work on for next time. To clarify everything in italics is Bob's thoughts, I tried to be consistent on that. Thanks for reading it earlier on, even if I was unable to fix the problems you pointed out then.

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DreamspinnerSethan wrote:Nice story, real hard for me to pick up on minor details about the world which should make things make sense, not sure about a lot of things which left me confused on how to feel about it. There's macros/micros, furs/humans, and I'm not sure at all what exactly is the setting.

I'm sorry I have failed you, it seems. I really wanted to build a world by having the characters reflect on the world they are in, or in the case of some of Bob's thoughts the recollection of facts he already knows. I thought that would be preferable to a large set of paragraphs that laid out the world in one big dump of exposition. As a result I suppose it's a harder read than it ought to be.

DreamspinnerSethan wrote:But the writing was interesting enough to keep me through to the end. Though still confused on a lot of things about the setting, and about why the job in a kitchen . . . why not retail, or fast food, or installation? Or teaching. (Actually, forget about the last one, that's something I've been trying like mad to write and finding no real work going through me.)

I am glad you found the writing enjoyable, despite the flaws you found in it.

In this case why he's in the kitchen is somewhat addressed in Bob's thoughts and some of Hank's dialog. It's because as a human Bob has the ability to sweat, and thus handle the heat of the kitchen (whereas Hank has a fan to keep him cool). And it's also because Bob is not covered in fur, which would obviously be a problem if you shed into the food you were hoping to prepare. Additionally, Bob is stuck working in kitchens because it's a job very well suited to him because of those reasons. This is why it was hard to get fired in the first segment, and why he got a pay raise to work in a micro restaurant kitchen even after the stunts he pulled.

While I really don't want to say too much outright, I'll tell you that the inference I wanted the reader to draw from these facts as presented is that humans aren't all that common in the world. There are a number of inferences I'd have liked the reader to make given other facts in the story, but I realize that not everyone will and that not everyone will make the same ones as me. And that I think is part of the benefit of not outright saying everything. The story can have a much different effect on someone depending on how they read into the world it's set in.

That said I do hope to expand the world and provide people with more facts about it to draw more inferences in future installations. Which while it does take away some of the mystery of the world is the price to be paid for writing more of it.

DreamspinnerSethan wrote:It's written well, I like the whole thing, and the nature of the questions left unanswered tell me it works as a short story even if I am curious about more. Rather than questioning the premise or picking holes in the writing, of course.

I'm not so sure I can agree that it's well written. It's written to the best of my ability but it's also the first thing I've ever really written and posted.

It was intended to be a short story on it's own, and to stand up on it's own. The questions left unanswered were as I rambled on about above mostly on purpose, but as I do intend to write more in the world hopefully that curiosity of yours will be sated.

And if you see any holes in my writing, my plot, my grammar, and/or my spelling please by all means shine the most powerful floodlight you have on them so I can improve.
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Re: Cooking With Bob

Postby kool kitty89 » Sat Jul 18, 2015 9:18 am

Hah, finally went back and read this! Awesome little story and totally agree about the points on actually contrasting species-specific characteristics ... and not ignoring advantages humans might have. (though a lot of the time it seems like they get glossed over because 'duh, obvious human point of view, so no reason to point that out' )

The following discussion in the thread did remind me of some bits of Farscape though, including this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWkbtpBGqOc

XD

Beyond that ... scene, one of the bigger running themes in the series was actually hot and cold tolerance, humans handling heat much better than the otherwise human-like Sebaceans while handling cold better than a few of the reptile-like species. Lots of other species-specific quirks though (like diets and digestive systems -and of course senses in general, which is the main point of the above clip), one of the nice added nuances to that series that I don't see often enough in sci-fi/fantasy fiction. Heh, I do like attention to detail.
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