Macro Flash Fiction Pt.1 (New story added!)

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Macro Flash Fiction Pt.1 (New story added!)

Postby Duct Tape Fanatic » Sun Mar 04, 2012 2:19 am

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7516093

Link in case the board eats my post. I'm trying my hand at flash fiction "(stories between 100-1000 words or less) and will hopefully be posting more entries here in the future. This one comes out at 640, a little more than I was aiming for.

ECONOMY CLASS

Jostled by a sharp bout of turbulence, or perhaps it was the screeching toddler kicking the back of her seat, Clarice grunted in displeasure, regretting her thrift-minded decision to save money by flying third class rather than taking the corporate jet or even riding in first class on the commercial airline. She had thought it not worth the money, a short flight, less than an hour, barring delays and of course security, crimson orange fur, parted by a white streak down her front, bristling at the memory.

The probing fingers of the fat early sixties beagle squeezing and slithering over Clarice’s curves under the formal business blouse and skirt she wore when traveling, like a ravenous constrictor snake crushing its prey, would not be forgotten and as soon as the operation of portable devices was permitted, the late thirties vixen would compose a literary masterpiece on her tablet to be submitted to the Transportation Authority. Full of scathing commentary, biting criticism and the name of every high-profile lawyer she knew, that lecherous hound would be fit only for greeting department store shoppers and cleaning gas station toilets if she had a say in the matter!

I have your name, Groh Pore, she seethed, and your badge number too! You’ll soon learn what it means to treat me like an object!

“Hungry?” The stewardess asked seemingly for the first time, though in truth she had asked twice before and Clarice had been too caught up in her mental raging to notice. A pretty young calico in her late teens, she smiled with genuine empathy---or else had mastered the skill of faking it.

“You look like you’ve had a rough day so far.” She gestured to her food cart, small and unimpressive like the rest of Third Class. Upon the front sat a sign listing various food items and their price with a shorter sign sat the back, unreadable from the current angle. “Care for a snack? Maybe a drink?”

Though her stomach growled in agreement, Clarice winced at the prices listed on the cart; bottle water for twelve dollars, really? But, perhaps a little splurging would brighten her mood; she certainly had cut enough costs today to warrant it. “That one,” she selected the item at the top of the list, opening her purse and dropping her tray expectantly.
Blue eyes widening, the feline replied, “that one? Are you sure?”

“It’s the cheapest, isn’t it?”

“And the most popular. But you’re a---.”

“—Hungry passenger,” Clarice finished, flippantly not angrily, as treating herself brightened her mood considerably. “Forgive me if I’m a bit cross, I don’t normally, ah,” She tried to think of a way to avoid condescending, “partake of this unique experience.”

“Trying to save money by flying cheap and it’s your first time back here.”

“And I’m quickly discovering you get what you pay for.”

Nodding with a laugh, the feline’s orange and white paw darted into the cart with blurring speed, dropping an inch-and a half long fox the same color as Clarice onto the tray.”Enjoy,” she said.

“I shall.” The smaller vulpine leapt to his feet, but likely still disoriented from the cat’s strike followed by sharp fall made little progress before a black furred paw snatched him into the air. Parting her jaws as if yawning, the vixen plopped her treat directly onto her long, smooth tongue before snapping her mouth shut like a steel trap.

Closing her eyes, she swallowed hard with a satisfied murr, a squirming bulge rippling in the white ruff of her neck for a moment before vanishing beneath the collar of her blouse. Licking her lips she reopened her eyes to see the cat had another customer, moving further down the aisle to the next row---the sign on the rear of the cart now visible:

COACH
Last edited by Duct Tape Fanatic on Wed Apr 11, 2012 12:39 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Macro Flash Fiction Pt.1

Postby foxelite » Sun Mar 04, 2012 4:45 am

That actually turned out good to be so small. It did its job; not much else to say
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Re: Macro Flash Fiction Pt.1

Postby Exit_Man » Sun Mar 04, 2012 4:52 am

To be honest, I had to read it over a few times to understand just what exactly happened at the end.
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Re: Macro Flash Fiction Pt.1

Postby Mr Nelg » Mon Mar 12, 2012 1:34 pm

Although I saw what was coming, it still kept me reading until the end. Anyone who can do that is definitely a good writer.
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Re: Macro Flash Fiction Pt.1

Postby macrokat » Fri Mar 23, 2012 4:51 pm

Like the others, I read this one a couple times myself.

Its an excellent story, I think the length actually helps as its quick and catchy. It has just enough to give a background and work in the point without useless filler.

I kept finding myself torn on whether or not I liked it though. Because of the subject matter. I generally stray away from 'violent' stories and things. But this one worked it actually succeeded EXACTLY as a story should because after reading I had to think about and deal with the conflicting emotions regarding it.

It elicited a response, whether a good response or bad, the fact that it did elicit an emotional response for me (the reader) which I then had to think about and deal with means that this short story expertly did its job. Great work. :D
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Re: Macro Flash Fiction Pt.1

Postby Meloditchi » Fri Mar 23, 2012 6:31 pm

oooo... ^^ This is good!
If ya wanna rp with me... Just PM me, and we'll discuss it!
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Re: Macro Flash Fiction Pt.1

Postby Duct Tape Fanatic » Wed Apr 11, 2012 12:39 am

http://www.furaffinity.net/view/7756186/

Again, link is here in case of bad formatting or Commie Bots.

The Drawer

Abbey’s nose flared, detecting smell of scurrying prey, even through the blanket of diesel exhaust from the departing bus from her job in the city. Instead of dropping into a stalking prowl, the gray cat paused to adjust her blouse and skirt nonchalantly, slipping her ID tag into her front pocket---as if not having noticed anything unusual—before starting a casual saunter towards the house.

Only the feline’s swishing white tipped tail betrayed her true intent. Smiling predatorily, her sapphire eyes locked onto the mouse’s small brown form in the long grass lining her driveway----cats left their lawns uncut for this very reason---easing her backpack into one hand, shifting her gaze to keep the small rodent in the corner of her eye.

Halfway to the front door---and perpendicular to her target---Abbey spun on one heel, springing into the long grass. The mouse squeaked in surprise as the seemingly innocuous cat turned and pounced, his last-ditch attempt to backpedal into the thicker brush too little too late as her paws closed around him like the jaws of a trap.

Abbey stood up with her struggling prize. Ignoring the tangle of leaves and twigs in her hair and fur, she raised her catch to her muzzle, flashing her sharp, pointy teeth in a triumphant grin, giving the mouse pup a long, coarse feline lick. “Gotcha,” she purred, licking him again.

Squirming against the cat’s coarse tongue, the mouse squealed as if agony despite her hold being gentle and her claws still retracted, “Okay, okay, you win!” The licking did not abate one slight bit.

“Knock it off, Mom!”

“You’re dirty, Bennie; I have to clean you.”

“I had a bath yesterday---with water and soap like normal people!”

She stopped licking him, thought not before one final, long caress down his back, leaving his clothing ruffled, his hair disheveled and his fur damp like she knew he hated. “What are you doing outside by yourself?”

“I slipped under the door!” Bennie was obviously proud and expected her approval.

Instead, surprised and taken aback, she replied, “And how long have you been able to do that?”

His tiny shoulders shrugged, “Guess I always have, but today was the first time I tried.”

She nodded thoughtfully. “Very clever, but you shouldn’t be out by yourself.”

“Awww, Mom…”

“Don’t you ‘aw Mom’ me, young man.” Abbey scolded; painfully aware of how identical her pointed yellow gaze and raised finger were to her own mother’s style. “You stay inside until I get home, is that clear?”

“Yes, ma’am,” he grumbled.

“Good. I love you,” Nuzzling him, she planted a light kiss on the top of his head, “That’s why I fuss.” Holding Bennie in one paw up to her shoulder, Abbey felt him scamper off and snuggle up against the ruff of her neck as she removed her key-ring, upon which rested two for the doors and one for her personal desk drawer in the study just beside the kitchen.

Still sulking from her rebuke, the mouse pup’s haughty indignation was overridden by a baser instinct: “I’m hungry, what’s for dinner?”

“Fish.”

“Again?” Clutching his middle, Bennie groaned as if under torture.

“It’s good for your eyesight. And it won’t be straight fish, there’s a new salad recipe I’ve been meaning to try.”

“Fish sandwiches, fish salads, fish burritos! It’s always fish. Don’t you ever eat anything else?”

Pausing for a long second after she stepped into the parlor, Abbey licked her lips, taking in his scent, still tasting him on her tongue: Tangy and tempting.
“No. Now, let’s get you cleaned up.”

Bennie sighed in defeat as they moved into the kitchen, knowing that when she used that tone he wasn’t getting his way regardless of grouching, crying or fussing, halfway out of his clothes by the time she finished running the water into the small bowl in the sink.

As much as the pup acted like he detested bathing, he adored playing in the small bowl she had set up with spoon overlooking the rim to act as a slide into the waist-higher water, a thin layer of soap on the surface. A small piece of yellow sponge carved into the shape of a rubber ducky---a relic from her crafting period---doubled as both a wash piece and a bath toy.

While the mouse played and splashed in the water, Abbey moved into the study. Slipping the short, round bronze key into the slot she pulled open the desk of her drawer, unable to resist throwing a cautionary glance over her shoulder. Within it lay a stack of papers---an old work order from when she had just been starting out in her career: young, eager, and not having yet achieved the emotional detachment of her more experienced peers.

Today he got outside, she thought concernedly. Tomorrow he could get in here. Was it time for Bennie to know the truth? Unsure, Abbey read the faded worksheet as she had so many times before. The handwriting was shaky and virtually illegible in some places but the words were still clear:

Responded to complaint on April 26th, 4:00 pm; removed two subjects. Kept tails for verification and tagging purposes. No others found

He’s not ready for this----and neither am I, she thought, pulling the ID tag---which read Abbey Jenson, Professional Mouser—from her pocket. Slipping it into the desk drawer, she turned the key once, locking her other self away for the evening before returning to the kitchen and her son.
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Re: Macro Flash Fiction Pt.1 (New story added!)

Postby macrokat » Wed Apr 11, 2012 1:13 am

:D

I like it. Very nice first impression. I'm definitely going to read it again when I have more time to really focus, but on the first read through, I like it.

It has tension, leads you into an expectation that, pleasantly, doesn't occur. It has the standard 'harsh' macro, but shows that there can be tenderness and understanding and that's definitely something I love to see in macro work.

Great work.
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Re: Macro Flash Fiction Pt.1 (New story added!)

Postby TendoTwo » Wed Apr 11, 2012 6:42 pm

You sure seem to love using the scenario where a large predator develops feeling for and starts caring for a much smaller prey, not that I am complaining mind you since I like that scenario as well.
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Re: Macro Flash Fiction Pt.1 (New story added!)

Postby pedrolucena » Mon Apr 22, 2013 9:28 pm

Is this story going to continue?
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