Mathematical Inconsistency

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Re: Mathematical Inconsistency

Postby gadabout » Sun Sep 09, 2012 3:33 pm

Aha! now you see why I didnt want to post it :[

Ah well, thats what happens when you have a super long gap between posts, next time Ill try updating more often, but for now...

thanks for the complaints :D

(and some of you forgot to rate it :I)
RIP Baggy52.

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Re: Mathematical Inconsistency

Postby Kusanagi » Sun Sep 09, 2012 4:34 pm

For the rating.
This chapter 4/10: It was actually funny, and in a different context would have gotten a higher grade but it felt like a completely different story.
Previous to the final two chapters 8/10: Interesting premise, with likable characters in a rather unique situation.
Overall 6/10: Last two chapters give it a disjointed feel to it, leaving a lot of questions unanswered.
http://www.furaffinity.net/user/kusanagi/

http://giantessworld.net/viewuser.php?uid=27873 (something new has been added :o)

catch other stories by the drunken writer
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Re: Mathematical Inconsistency

Postby gadabout » Sun Sep 09, 2012 8:37 pm

Most excellent!

now here are some stats:

Avg rating: 60%
Pages: 75 (includes omitted part at the end)
Words: 30699 (includes omitted part at the end)
views/posts: 89.9 (thats a little high..)

Well it turns out that this last chapter was for the best after all, if it wasn't for that, I would have gotten an 80%, and surely thats unacceptable!

Still, I sorta feel terrible about it, Ill make it up to you guys soon... very soon....
RIP Baggy52.

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Re: Mathematical Inconsistency

Postby kool kitty89 » Tue Aug 06, 2013 11:43 pm

Reading "The Cave" made be go back and finally read the last chapter here . . . and aside form the rushed nature of it, it actually seems OK overall. Perhaps not so much compared to the rest of the story (in tone and writing style) but more in terms of what Gada seems to have been going for in any case.

Actually, it seems like it would have been a lot more fitting if tweaked a bit and fleshed out more . . . though maybe I'm making some wrong assumptions here.

Was the "rich and powerful old man" who got assassinated supposed to be the same business/crime boss guy who was controlling Sanders and co (and kidnapped Jacob) in the first place? I'm too lazy to go back and actually check on that . . . yeah.
Regardless, if that HAD been the case, it would have been an interesting twist that better explained the events in the epilog (including the reestablishment of the hybrid human/macro community).

OTOH, in that case it seems kind of pointless that Sanders bothered to kill Jacob at all, if he was already planning on breaking free of his unsavory employer's grasp anyway.
Starting this "wild and crazy" semi unfitting twist back at that showdown scene with Jacob and Sanders would have made a lot more sense, even if the writing quality degraded similarly. :p (granted, you could have gone and made it deep with Sanders reaching his breaking point after killing Jacob and detailign a complex internal+external conflict on his end while adding more backstory to the whole situation . . . except that would be too serious and not a fittingly silly way to take things given your style :p )

Plus the whole conspiracy over the death of Kate's parents thing kind of got left hanging . . . or maybe it's implied that that got addressed somewhere between the events in the rushed conclusion chapter. :p


Hmm, actually, thinking on the "fittingly silly" thing . . . one alternate ending thought on this was that (for some poorly supported reason) the gun Sanders had given Jacob was only loaded with blanks, and that "neat hole" on Jacob's forehead was just from the impact of the wadding that broke the skin and maybe gave him a concussion. (blanks can kill too, but probably not in this scenario)

Ohoho . . . wait a minute: what if the gun had been loaded with custom ammo with CASHEW bullets? Huh, huh?
That would have been awesome and hilarious and hilariously awesome.
As such, I think I'm now going to imagine that (followed by the rest of the silly ending being mostly the same . . . except with Jacob recovering and begrudgingly becoming Kate's personal tutor and lab assistant, while Sanders ends up retiring and ironically opening his own fried chicken restaurant in spite of himself).

OK, got it, good. That is all.
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Re: Mathematical Inconsistency

Postby gadabout » Wed Aug 07, 2013 8:22 am

You son of a necro post! How dare you bring this nonsense up again! D:

Admittedly yes, the ending was rushed, it had been months/years since the post preceding it that I actually posted it, so I kinda forgot what I had planned for this story (I always flesh out an outline in my head before I write anything, helps keep my page limit accurate :D) I just knew that Jacob was supposed to be dead by the end of it and his untimely fate was to be met by Sanders, who fled to a desert by the end of it all (fun fact: I actually wrote that in the epilogue, it was 5 extra pages but I cut it out because I had enough of this story and wanted to end it. ps: he meets a man named Saeed there >.>) but I was all cranky, dizzy and really wanted to get this over with and get a bad rating to boot :D

So in the end, I got what I wanted so I'm happy B[

And death by cashew gun would have been awesome... why didn't I think of that? D:
RIP Baggy52.

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