Planet Mallorn

A place for writers to offer creative feedback and post works in progress.

Postby lolzrpwnrd » Sun Mar 21, 2010 3:43 pm

Nice. Still improving on every chapter.

One thing is still bugging me, and this is what it is:

[quote:6858b70915="deatheater"]"Are you ok Ken?" he said, looking at me with pain in his eyes. "Yes, I just have a couple of minor cuts and bruises, I"™ll be fine." "Those are not minor cuts and bruises, you"™re bleeding through your shirt." [/quote:6858b70915]

I think that to differentiate between speakers, you should make each piece of text have its own line, like this:

"Are you ok Ken?" he said, looking at me with pain in his eyes.

"Yes, I just have a couple of minor cuts and bruises, I"™ll be fine," I replied quickly, not wanting to worry him.

"Those are not minor cuts and bruises, you"™re bleeding through your shirt."
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Postby deatheater » Thu Apr 01, 2010 8:17 pm

Woohoo another update

Chapter 11: The Attack

The day was early and before the sun came up I decided to take a long walk. For me, taking a long walk took me to the edge of the runway. I just stood on the cold hard surface looking down the length watching the sun peek over the horizon.

I felt the ground move ever so slightly and turned around to see Tim approaching. Funny how fast a wolf can find someone when they use their nose. As he got closer I just turned around and let the rays of the sun hit my face. They were both warm and soothing and everything else seemed to blur away.

When I finally opened my eyes Tim was standing right next to me, just watching me because he wasn"™t sure what I was doing. "What are you doing?" he asked with a puzzled look on his face. "I"™m just getting ready for today. How about you? Are you ready for what"™s ahead?"

Tim didn"™t say anything so I motioned for him to pick me up. Tim bent down and I stepped into his hand. I didn"™t like being grabbed because my injuries still hurt whenever I was. He brought me to his face and I sat cross-legged in his palm "Are you ready for today Tim?"

"Well, I"™m a bit nervous really, because I"™ve never really fought anyone in the air yet."

"Well Tim, hopefully, we won"™t have to fight anyone since this is supposed to be a surprise attack. And besides, I"™ve trained you the best I could, so if we are attacked then I am confident that you will be able to get yourself out of any tangle."

"Yah, but I"™ll be a lot better once we get up there and your flying next to me."

I looked back at him and let out a soft chuckle, then asked if he had anything to eat yet. He said that he did and I said, "Good because we are going to launch our attack soon." I then suggested that we go to the hangers and get our planes ready.

When we got to the hanger Brian was already inside preparing his aircraft. We walked over and greeted him with a handshake and then made our way over to our aircraft. Tim put his hand next to the door that led to the inside of my aircraft, and once I opened it and stepped inside, he left to go preflight his.

The cool thing about my plane was that I was able to check the entire plane from inside the cockpit with my integrated electronic video screen that I installed. I had a full schematic of the entire plane in front of me and could look and any part by maneuvering it, or selecting it manually, and this would bring up a 3-D rendering of the part or system on one of the 2-D screens.

I was finished with my preflight and shortly after we were all instructed, over the PA system, to get into our planes and start our engines. Once we were ready with our engines running the tower cleared the bombers to take-off first, followed by the fighter pilots.

I counted the planes that took off, and in total there were fifteen bombers and ten fighter pilots, myself included. Brian was out in front since he knew where to go, and I decided to fly in the rear to keep an eye on everyone. Tim was in the middle of the squadron and I could see him, but he couldn"™t see me because I was behind him, however he knew where I was.

We were heading north and it was probably around eight o"™clock, it wasn"™t long and we were finally behind enemy lines. We weren"™t heading towards the mountain base, but rather a huge military factory where the weapons were being constructed. Not only was our target deep behind enemy lines, it was also very close to the capitol.

On our way various pilots would make remarks on the radios like, "I can"™t wait to get there and bomb the shit out of them," or "I"™m ready to kill me some Kantorians." As far as I was concerned, the men were far too excited about the mission and were focusing on the wrong thing.

Soon after we all herd Brian on the radio, "Alright men, our target is going to be a huge manufacturing warehouse. Once the enemy regains themselves after our attack, expect heavy ground fire, and enemy fighters."

As soon as Brian finished his sentence I caught a glimpse of something out of the corner of my eye. However when I looked, all I saw was the sun and I had to close my eyes and look away.

Suddenly the sound of machineguns caught my attention and when I looked out the window again I saw at least twenty fighters that looked as if they were coming out of the sun hammering down on us with their guns blazing.

The sound of bullets on metal was herd everywhere and before we knew it eight of our bombers were falling out of the sky on fire. Still in shock I grabbed the radio, "Enemy planes, break formation, engage, and protect our remaining bombers."

The enemy was flying straight toward us and I knew that they were going to fly straight through our formation. Just before they got to us they pulled up and attempted to fly over. I pulled up hard and started to fire my gun. I watched out of the side of my windscreen as the planes started to fly over us. I could see the bullets from my gun out in front of me and when the enemy flew over us I managed to hit one and I watched as it broke apart and fall towards the ground.

We were outnumbered two to one and I knew it. The ten fighters that we had broke formation and each engaged an enemy, unfortunately that left nine other enemy planes to engage the remaining bombers.

I had managed to shoot down three enemy planes before I realized that all of our remaining bombers had been knocked out, and they only managed to take five of the bastards with them.

Brian was fine on his own, and I realized that Tim was in trouble. He had two planes on his rear so I quickly advanced the throttle to help him out.

Tim was trying every move that I had taught him, but the enemy fighters were just to good and copied his every move with extreme precision. I quickly fell behind the fighters but had to wait for a second before shooting, because I didn"™t want to accidentally shoot Tim instead.

As soon as Tim started to turn I aimed my gun a bit ahead of the enemy planes and when they turned to follow one of them turned right into my fire. The enemy"™s plane broke apart as the bullets ripped through it, and it quickly fell to the ground in pieces.

The other plane however started to shoot at Tim once he had a clear shot. Tim was looking around frantically as bullets flew past all around him. He rolled his plane out of the way, but white smoke started to come out from under his plane.

I started to fire at the enemy and the bullets ripped through the tail of the aircraft. I must have hit it enough times because when the plane started to turn after Tim, the force of the turn was enough to rip the tail off the plan. I watched as the plane spun out of control; the force of the imposed g"™s ripping it to pieces as it fell to the ground.

"Tim your clear of the enemy, but your expelling white smoke from under your plane. I want you to head back toward the base immediately."

"But Ken, I want to stay and fight."

"No buts that"™s an order Tim. Head back toward the base now!"

I knew that he wanted to stay but his plane would not be able to take any more damage without crashing. When I looked around I noticed that the tides were turning in our favor. We had sustained heavy casualties, but so did the enemy. We had four of our planes left and so did the enemy.

I managed to take out one of the remaining four and so did Brian. The last two planes decided to get out of the fight and head back to their base and so did we. There was no way that we would be able to accomplish our mission with no bombers and only four planes left. We would surly be ripped to pieces by ground fire if we even got close to the warehouse.

When we got back to our base Tim was waiting for us on the tarmac just praying that the rest of us were ok. When he left the fight he knew that there weren"™t many planes left and he exhaled a sigh of relief when he saw us return.

Once I landed and parked my plane in the hanger, Tim was waiting for me by the door of my aircraft. I opened the door and stepped into Tim"™s awaiting palm. I sat down in his hand in utter frustration, and as we passed the commander who said, "What happened?" I replied, "Your men are not ready!"

I watched the other two pilot"™s who were left get out of their planes. They were both shaking terribly from the battle and from fear. They both fell to the ground on their hands and knees and vomited onto the grass.

"Look, see what I mean commander, their terrified and full of fear. I can see it from here. Those men will never fight again commander. Send them home and get me some new recruits."
Last edited by deatheater on Tue Nov 16, 2010 2:52 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Big Red » Tue May 04, 2010 12:51 pm

Hey there. Nice to see a lurker like myself give it a go. Who knows, maybe I might just follow suit and write something myself.

As for the story, it's a real good start. I guess if I had any criticism for you, I'd say that you should try to make your sentences flow more.

I don't mean any offence, but to me they seem a little short, and could do with a bit more development. A story's always easier to read when it's descriptive and flows smoothly.

Keep up the good work!
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Postby deatheater » Fri May 21, 2010 6:13 am

Finally another update. Sorry for the delay but College finals are a pain and they really take time away. So here is the next chapter of the story. Only about three or four more chapters to go before the story is finished. Outlines really do help when your developing a story hah.

Chapter 12: Aftermath

Tim and I were sitting in the mess hall when the mail for that day came in. As they called out the names of everyone who had mail, both Tim and I received packages. Tim got a letter from his parents and I got a box that was about ten times my size. The box was also heavy because I could see that the wolf carrying it was having trouble.

"Finally, it"™s here," I said once I realized that it was from Tim"™s parents. "What is, what"™s here?" Tim asked, looking at the package with a puzzled expression on his face.

"You"™ll see it soon enough. Tim can you carry it outside for me, and help me open it please."

"Sure I can, lets go."

Tim then picked me up from the table and deposited me onto his shoulder. Once I sat down and was comfortable Tim picked up the package and started to walk outside.

"Jeez what"™s in here? It"™s kind of heavy Ken."

We must have drawn some attention because a bunch of the wolves, including Brian, who were watching us, got up and started to follow the two of us outside. As we made our way out the door I took a quick glance behind me, and chuckled a bit to see all of the wolves following us with curious looks on their faces.

Once we were outside Tim set the box on the ground, grabbed the knife that was holstered to his belt, and started to cut the tape off the box. Everyone else was standing around us in a circle, and they seemed to be inching closer as Tim unwrapped the package.

After Tim removed the tape the box seemed to unfold by itself. All of the wolves then let out a collective "Whoa" as the last side of the box fell to the ground.

Tim then set me on the ground and I had a smile on my face, because standing before me was my spaceship.

"I don"™t understand Ken, why do you need your spaceship?"

"I need to take care of some business, so I sent your parents a letter asking them to send my spaceship right away."

"I don"™t get it, what kind of business do you need to take care off?"

"Just some personal stuff, I"™m going to be gone for the day, so I need you and Brian to train the new recruits in aerial combat."

None of the other wolves standing around us even herd our conversation, because they were too interested in my aircraft, and were still trying to figure out where it came from. The wolves in front were bending down to get a closer look while the ones in the back were pushing on the others shoulders to get a better look. To all of them this plane was straight out of science fiction.

"So when are you going to leave Ken?"

"Right now Tim. I"™ll be back before this evening though."

I slowly walked up to the entrance and just rested my hand on the handle to the door. I couldn"™t believe it was here. It was the first piece of home that I had seen since I went to war with Tim. I almost started to cry, but I shook it away and slowly opened the door.

All of the wolves were watching as I opened the door and stepped inside. It was cold on the inside from all the metal. I turned around and waved to Tim who waved in return as I closed the door of the ship. As soon as the door shut the pressure locking system kicked in that sealed the door shut.

I took a second to just look around the inside, and I first noticed the row of seats along side the windows. Down the aisle, between the seats, in the rear of the ship sat the nuclear reactor, and ahead of the seats was the door to the cockpit. I punched in a code next to the cockpit door on the keypad, and as soon as I hit enter, the door slid open revealing the cockpit.

As I sat down I looked around at all of the vampire lights on the control consol; some red, and some blue. After I hit some buttons and flipped some switches I started up the primary reactor and just sat silently and listened to it as the humming of the reactor core got louder and louder.

All of the wolves outside watched as ripples of heat started to come out of the engines mounted on the rear of the ship. The wolves watching from the back started to move backwards not knowing what was going to come out, and Tim had the ones standing in front clear a path for me.

Once they were clear I grabbed a hold of the throttle bar and pushed it forward. Suddenly the engines roared up and flames started to come out of the main rockets. I was pushed back into my seat as I took off and immediately started to clime vertical into the sky.

Tim, Brian, and the other wolves watched the ship take off and followed it until they couldn"™t see it any more. "Where is he going Tim?" asked Brian with a puzzled look on his face. "He"™s said that he needed to take care of some business, and that he would be back by the end of the day. He also said that he wanted us to train the new recruits on aerial combat."

"Alright Tim, well the new recruits are already here so lets get started."

"Sounds good Brian, get the new recruits ready and I"™ll meet you in the hanger in twenty."

"Alright, see you in twenty."

"General"¦ General Littlefield"¦ what are we going to do? The enemy is getting more aggressive with their attacks."

Jim just stood motionless looking out of the only window in the command center. He was thinking about what to do next and really didn"™t like being pestered with pointless questions.
"Quit pestering me or you can join the enemy in death," said the general to the soldier standing next to him. The soldier quickly saluted the general and left the room.

Jim then started to pace back and forth across the floor. Everyone else in the room just sat there wondering what the general was thinking of, and what he was going to do next.

"I"™ve got an idea," said the general as he walked over to the table where his five officers were sitting. "Let"™s send The Destroyer, to attack their capitol. The defenses on the airship should be sufficient against any air strike, but just incase we"™ll send eight fighters to escort her to the target."

"That sounds like an excellent idea General, so when are we going to strike?"


"But General, who is going to pilot The Destroyer?"

"You are"¦ I need to make sure that the job gets accomplished, so I am sending three of you on this attack."

With his final words the general pushed his chair away from the table and stood up to leave. The five officers saw Jim stand up so they quickly did the same, saluted him, and replied, "General, we will not fail you."

When I returned the day was growing long, and I knew that Tim and Brian had just spent the whole day training all of the new recruits in aerial combat and would be tired. As I returned to the base I noticed that Tim was still out training on his own.

I switched over to the frequency that Tim was using, so that I could hear him in his plane. As he flew straight I decided to fly across his flight path just a couple feet out in front of him as fast as I could.

"Holy shit, what the fuck was that!"

I started to laugh hysterically and said, "Hey Tim, how"™s it going?" "Oh, hey Ken"¦ Was that you? Man, you scared the hell out of me!"

"Sorry about that, just having a bit of fun. I"™m heading back towards the base so I"™ll see you on the ground."

I descended towards the base and landed on the runway. Everyone around the hangers was watching, because when you have never heard the sound of rockets before, it tends to attract some attention.

After I taxied my ship into the hanger, I shut down the nuclear reactor to the ship. The sound of the reactor core powering down was kind off soothing as I unbuckled my harness. As I stood up out of my seat I looked back through the windscreen and saw Tim"™s plane taxing into the hanger. I walked over to the door and grabbed the handle with both hands and turned it counterclockwise to unlock the door so that I could get out.

As I stepped out of my aircraft I turned the handle clockwise to lock the door and turned around to see that Tim was turning off his engine. I started to walk towards Tim across the vast grey floor of the hanger towards Tim"™s aircraft.

I watched Tim get out and when he saw me walking towards him, he started to walk towards me. It only took him a couple of steps to reach me and once he did, he lowered his hand to the ground and I climbed into his palm and sat down.

"So, did you get your business taken care of Ken?"

"Yes I did Tim, thanks for asking, but now I"™m really hungry, so if you don"™t mind, could we head over to the mess hall and get something to eat?"

"Sure Ken, well head over right now."

Once we were standing in line Tim put me onto his shoulder so that he could use both hands to carry his tray. After getting some food from the staff we sat down and Tim put me onto the table so that we could eat.

I grabbed Tim"™s napkin and tore off the corner to use as a make shift plate, and put some of the food onto it.

Brian noticed the two of us eating from across the room and once he had his plate, sat down on the other side of the table. After Brian got situated at his seat I asked him how his day of training went.

"It was great, the new recruits seemed to catch on quick and before long they were almost teaching me."

"That"™s great Brian, sounds like the two of you really got some good work done today. I"™m glad because the next time that we go to battle we"™ll be ready."

Tim then said, with some uncertainty in his voice, "So Ken, when do you think we"™ll go to battle next?"

"I"™m afraid sooner than we think Tim, sooner than we think."
Last edited by deatheater on Tue Nov 16, 2010 2:52 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby deatheater » Wed Aug 04, 2010 5:53 am

Wow, finally another update. Had a bit of a writers block for a bit. I knew what I wanted to write but didn't know how to go about writing it. Hopefully it turned out ok, and hopefully the next chapter comes out quicker. But for now enjoy the next chapter.

Chapter 13: The Zeppelin

It was early in the morning and I was sitting on the edge of Tim"™s plate in the mess hall for breakfast, and as usual the mail for that day had come in. Tim had received a letter and like always, he was the first to read it. When he was finished he set it down on the table so that I could read it, and like always, it was from his mom.

Dear, Tim

We are all so very proud of you, for what you"™re doing. We send you our best wishes for whatever challenge may come your way. I just hope you are doing well and I pray that this conflict ends soon. Your dad has already started to rebuild the house and guess what, your brother Derek is back from the University of Mandora and he is helping us rebuild as well. He may even come and join you because he said he hasn"™t seen you in such a long time. Jane is doing well also. Did you know that she started to build a house for Ken; she is so cute. I am really glad that Ken is with you in this. With all of his knowledge, I"™m sure that you are going to get through this just fine. Well it"™s time for me to end this, the water on the stove is boiling and Jane keeps bugging me to help her with Ken"™s house. I hope you have a great day.

Love, Mom

"Tim, your sister makes me laugh every time I read something about her. Also, I never knew you had a brother."

"I do, he attends The University of Mandora for some government program, and is kind off secretive about what he does there"¦ He never mentions any of it to me or my parents, but I"™m glad that he"™s back."

"ATTENTION, ATTENTION"¦" the commanders voice rang over the P.A. system. "ALL PILOTS REPORT TO THE MAIN HANGER IMMEDIATELY."

I looked up at Tim, "Hmm, I wonder what"™s going on, we better make our way over to the hangers now."

With that being said, Tim stood up from the table, along with a bunch of other wolves including Brian. As the others made their way to the door Tim picked me up off the table, and set me on his shoulder as he turned to exit the mess hall.

Once Tim got to the hanger we both noticed that the commander was standing next to a board with some pictures on it and a bunch of seats out in front of him. When Tim sat down I got a good look at the pictures, that were surveillance photos by the looks of them, and my gaze fell on one picture that looked very familiar.

Once the wolves were all seated the commander finally spoke. "Does anyone know what this is a picture of?"

No one answered; they all had blank expressions upon their faces. "It"™s a Zeppelin," I whispered under my breath. I though I had said it quietly enough, but everyone herd me. I guess with those ears they must hear everything. All at once they turned and looked at me, and then back to the commander.

"Captain Billups is right everyone, this is an airship or as the captain has put it, a Zeppelin. The enemy has dispatched this titan and it is on its way to destroy our capital."

"So what do you want us to do," someone said.

I kind of chuckled at this comment and said to myself, "What do ya think?"

"You guys are going to go out and destroy it before it gets to us," the commander answered. "But remember, it can take hundreds of bullets to take down a Zeppelin, so don"™t take this opponent likely."

As the commander spoke I looked around and noticed that some of the wolves weren"™t paying any attention at all and I sort of snapped, "GOD DAMMIT PAY ATTENTION OR YOU WON"™T COME BACK!"

Even Tim jumped at my outburst, which almost threw me off his shoulder, but when I looked around, the wolves immediately sat up straight in their chairs. The commander then nodded towards me and continued, "You are all going to fly to our Northern Border to intercept the target as it crosses into our territory"¦ You will then have about thirty minutes to take it down. The target will have its own escort of enemy planes, and machineguns mounted on the top. We expect about ten planes to be escorting it, and about six machineguns. Therefore, it is important that you exercise extreme caution when attacking the Zeppelin, and always keep your head on a swivel. Good luck."

"Remember, do not come back until the capital is destroyed. You have ten fighters that have been painted red escorting you to the target, and six machinegun nests on top of your ship. Do not fail me again."

"Copy that General, we are now crossing the Northern Border of Mandora, estimated time to target, thirty minutes."

I was in the lead, in my specially designed aircraft, as we approached the enemy. We didn"™t say much to each other as we got closer and closer to the target mainly because we were exercising radio silence. I was the first one to break the silence as I looked through the windscreen and started to the see the silhouette of the Zeppelin emerging through the haze like a ship though fog.

"Alright boys, target in sight, range ten miles. Now, remember your training. Don"™t fly in straight lines and always keep an eye on your friend"™s back. You have all trained hard for this and I am honored to fly with such skilled wolf aviators. Just remember, the Zeppelin is just a giant balloon; if we poke it enough, it will fail."

As Tim listened to Ken speak over the radios he felt this overwhelming sense of calmness. Even though Ken was only two inches tall, he was one of them, and he was willing to give his life for them as well.

As we approached our target, I just took a moment to take in the scale of the Zeppelin. To Tim and the others it was about four hundred feet long, but to me (being only two inches tall) it was about twelve thousand feet long. "Ok, here we go," I said to myself as I slowly squeezed the trigger on my control stick.

Small stream-like wisps of smoke from the bullets whizzed by in front of some of the enemy planes and pierced the Zeppelin as we made our first attack on the airship. The enemy, caught off guard, quickly turned their heads and saw us approaching from the right. They quickly broke off their escort and engaged us head on with guns blazing.

The wisps of smoke were everywhere as we flew through their ranks to the other side of the airship, some of us going over and some going under. I flew under the airship and pulled up hard. With the stick in my gut I looked up through the windscreen and watched the side of the airship, the machineguns on top quickly came in and out of view as I performed my loop around the airship.

Everyone else had also turned and went off in different directions, some to engage other aircraft and others to engage the Zeppelin. I quickly fell behind one of the enemy aircraft and followed him until I had a clear shot. When the opportunity came I squeezed the trigger. I could see the muzzle flash and watched the wisps of smoke penetrate the aircraft. The enemy pilot"™s head bobbed a bit then went out of view as his aircraft began to dive towards the ground.

I looked out of my windscreen and saw one of our pilots attacking the Zeppelin. He had about three enemy fighters on his six and when he turned to break away from the airship they all fired on him at once. His plane was riddled with holes and looked away when both his wings tore off from the fuselage because of the increased stress caused from the bullet holes.

Suddenly two enemy planes came out of nowhere behind me and both started firing. Wisps of smoke where flying past my windscreen and I was doing my best to try and shake them off. Tim and Brian where flying next to each other and both saw that I was in a bind from above. They both dived down behind the two planes and began to fire at them. Both enemy planes erupted into black smoke and fire as they began to dive towards the ground. Brian broke off to engage more enemy targets, but Tim flew up next to me and we both nodded towards each other. "You go and attack the fighters, I"™ll take the Zeppelin," I said over the radio as I pointed towards more enemy fighters. Tim nodded and broke off engage them.

As I turned towards the Zeppelin to attack it an enemy fighter descended out of the sky behind me. I tried to shake him off but it didn"™t work. More wisps of smoke flew past me as I tried to evade him. Thinking fast I got an idea. I lowered some flaps and pulled up slightly. I began to ascend slowly but my airspeed dropped off greatly. I quickly retracted the flaps and just as I had hoped the enemy aircraft flew out ahead from under me. I pulled the trigger and watched the wisps of smoke penetrate his aircraft. The enemy pilot watched as the bullets hit his right wing. It then tore off and his plane began a violent death-roll towards the ground.

I continued my assault on the airship and was flying at it from tip to tail. The machine gunners on top were firing wildly at anything they could, but were doing little if not anything to stop us. I began to fire down the line of machineguns mounted on the top. Attacking them in a line meant that only one could fire at me at a time and as I flew past them they all just fell like dominos.

Control of the battle was in our favor, as the enemy forces became thinner and thinner. Tim managed to take down a couple enemy fighters, and turned his attention towards the Zeppelin. Tim focused his attack on one of the two engines mounted on the rear of the airship. As he fired he managed to destroy one of the two support pieces that held the engine to the airship. The other, not being able to support the weight of the engine began to buckle under the pressure and the engine swung around into the side of the airship. The engine exploded in a fireball but not before the prop ripped a huge gash in the side of the ship.

Brian, making his round, managed to take out the other engine, which exploded and sent shrapnel into the other side of the Zeppelin. The airship was slowly starting to descend towards the ground by the tail, its angle of attack becoming steeper and steeper. I began to fire at the main cabin that hung under the airship.

The main enemy commander inside the cockpit of the airship was breathing heavily as sweat ran down his forehead. As he looked down he noticed a bullet that was rolling back towards the rear of the cabin. When he looked up, he noticed an enemy fighter coming straight at him. "GET DOWN!!!" he yelled when he saw the muzzle flash from the enemy plane. The bullets penetrated the windows and glass was flying all around them as the windows shattered from the assault. Suddenly the front of the cabin fell about eight feet as the front support pieces broke loose from the Zeppelin. "GAH, HOLY SHIT!!" the commander said with his arms out in front of him, as if he was holding back the floor. But before any of them could get back on their feet, everything inside the cabin began to float and after about six seconds, everything went black.

I was able to shoot off the support pieces of the cabin and watched as it fell to the unforgiving ground below. The other enemy fighters all pulled away and started to retreat, and the rest of us watched as the Zeppelin, now in a vertical dive, tail first, smashed into the ground and exploded outward. Some of the bombs exploded when the airship crashed and ignited the gas inside the Zeppelin. The ship then exploded from the inside out in a massive fireball that sent flaming wreckage everywhere.

We all had a great moment of victory as we watched the Zeppelin explode. I had a smile on my face as I turned my head and watched the three remaining enemy fighters run for their lives. "Alright boy"™s, lets go home," I said as we began to turn back to base.

General Littlefield was standing next to the window in the command center when the remaining aircraft returned. There was only three left and one of them was spewing smoke behind it. No one had to tell him that they had failed, again. He then turned around and walked over to the table with his remaining commanders and slammed his fists down onto the table.

"Dammit, with their precious duo leading them we can"™t even get close to an attack. It"™s time we change the way we go about this."

"What do you have in mind?" said one of the commanders sitting at the table.

Jim just stood there for a minute pondering his options before he spoke. "It"™s time to take some drastic measures, and since we can"™t get to Ken we will have to go after Tim."

"But how are we going to do that General? I mean he has an army with him, so how are we even going to get close."

"Because we"™re not going after Tim, directly. Bring me his family"¦ alive."
Last edited by deatheater on Tue Nov 16, 2010 2:53 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby deatheater » Wed Aug 25, 2010 6:20 pm

Well... here is another update. I hope you people are enjoying it as much as I enjoy writing it. This chapter is a bit longer than my previous chapters, but it should keep you entertained all the way through. So without further ado here is the next chapter.

Chapter 14: Choices

It"™s been two days since we destroyed the enemy Zeppelin, and we haven"™t seen any retaliation from the Kantorians. Tim was back at the base and I was out doing recon in my small spaceship. Performing recon in my ship instead of the larger plane kept me off of the enemy"™s radar. That way, I looked like nothing more than a large bird. As I was surveying the northern boarder I noticed a wolf on the ground in the middle of the baron lands. He had no form of transportation and it didn"™t look like he was moving very fast. I figured that he must be in trouble, but since I was only in my small spaceship and was alone, I decided to go back to the base to get Tim and Brian for help.

Tim was watching the sky for Ken"™s ship like always back at the base. He knew that Ken would have to walk a long way anywhere if he didn"™t have any help, so he would wait in the hanger or watch the sky so that way when Ken returned he would have some help getting around.

Tim heard the engines of Ken"™s spaceship and walked over to the hanger. He watched as the spaceship came to a stop on the ground, and walked over as he heard it power down.

As I opened the main door I noticed Ken walking over to me. He knelt down and lowered his hand to the floor so that I could get a lift. Once I climbed onto his palm and he began to stand up, I told him what I saw.

"Tim"¦ there"™s someone who looks like they"™re in need of help just north of here in the baron lands. We need to grab Brian if we can, get some food and water, and then take a jeep and drive out there. I wish we could fly but after looking at the terrain there"™s just no place to land."

As quickly as he could, Tim loaded up some food and water into a jeep, and then we both asked Brian to come along with us. He agreed to help, and the three of us went out to find the lone wolf. As we got closer to the location where I saw the wolf, baron, was just an understatement for what the terrain was like. It was nothing but sand and rock, and you could see heat ripples in every direction. There was nothing else out there.

We must have drove around for an hour looking for the wolf when we came across a lone shack out in the middle on nowhere. We parked the jeep next to it and collectively thought to ourselves, "He must be in there."

Tim and Brian got out of the jeep and cautiously walked up to the shack. I was in Tim"™s front shirt pocket and noticed that the shack had no windows or signs; nothing on the outside"¦ just a wooden door that looked like it could fall apart at the slightest touch. When Tim opened the door we found the wolf and took a second to realize that it was Jim who was sitting at a table in the center of the shack with a dim light above his head. Once the reality of who it was set in, both Tim and Brian quickly drew their sidearm and pointed them at Jim who just sat there looking down at the table with a smirk on his face.

"What are you doing here?" Tim asked as he slowly inched closer to Jim. "ANSWER ME!!!" But he didn"™t receive a response. Jim only looked up with that same smirk and said nothing.

Tim was now standing across the table from Jim with Brian behind him. Jim looked straight at me and when I met his gaze it had a look of pure hate written all over it. Suddenly Jim shot up and smacked the gun away from Tim"™s right hand. As the gun flew out of Tim"™s hand Jim took his other hand, with his claws extended, and swiped at the pocket that I was in. My eyes widened and I held my breath as I saw that murderous hand come towards me. Tim instinctively jumped back from the attack. Brian watched it all unfold from the rear; he couldn"™t see anything but he heard the tearing of Tim"™s shirt. "FREEZE!!!" Brian shouted as he cocked his pistol and aimed at Jim"™s head.

I was still shocked from the attack, and when I looked down I almost fainted. There were three huge slashes in Tim"™s pocket. I realized that I was mere inches away from death, and if it hadn"™t been for Tim"™s quick reflexes, I would be gone.

Tim then turned to Brian, "Kill him and lets go."

But as Tim started to head out past Brian, Jim suddenly spoke up, "If you kill me then you won"™t be able to save one of them."

"What," Tim said as he turned around to face Jim. "What do you mean save one of them?"

Tim took his hand off the doorknob and started walking back towards Jim.

"Tell me Tim"¦ do you know where your family is?"


"I don"™t think you do, you see, my agents have kidnapped two people, and tell that they are very close to you."


Tim had a growing look of concern on his face.

"My agents told me that their names are Derek, and Jane."

As I listened to Jim and all I could think was, "Oh my god, what did you do?"

"What did you do with my family Jim?"

"Now now Tim, all in good time."


"What"™s the time?"


"Well"¦ depending on the time, they may be in one place or several."

Tim then reached into his shirt pocket and pulled me out. He gave me to Brian who then put me into his shirt pocket. When he walked back over to Jim he picked up is pistol from the floor and pistol-whipped him as hard as he could across the face.

"WHEAR ARE THEY JIM!!!" Tim shouted as he took his knife out of its sheath and held it to Jim"™s throat with his left hand and pointed the gun at his head with his right.

"DON"™T WORRY"¦ I"™m going to tell you where they are"¦ both of them"¦ and that"™s the point. You"™ll have to choose, which one lives, and which one dies."

Tim, full of rage pistol-whipped Jim across the face again. Jim then reached into his pocket and pulled out two maps. "I don"™t know if you three noticed when you came in, but there are two trails that lead off of this shack, and I"™ll bet you can guess what is at the end of each trail"¦ These maps are blue prints of the buildings in which they are in, so I would take them along. Your brother Derek, is at the end of the West Trail, and your sister Jane, is at the end of the East Trail."

"I don"™t believe you," Tim said as he looked Jim straight in the eye.

"Well you only have about five minutes left, so you better choose, if you want to save one of them."

Jim then pulled out a timer from his other pocket, and when Tim looked at it, he saw the clock.


Tim"™s eyes widened and he turned around to Brian. He held out his hand and Brian took Ken out of his pocket and placed him in Tim"™s hand. He then told Brian to watch Jim and kill him if he should move. With Ken in his pocket Tim ran out the door, jumped into the jeep and took-off.

"Who are you going after Tim?" I said as Tim slammed on the gas pedal.

"The only one who has the best chance of escaping this is Derek, so we are going to take the East Trail to get Jane. THERE IT IS"¦ THERE"™S THE TRAIL!!"


Jane slowly started to open her eyes and wake up. She soon realized that she was in a chair, and worse, she was strapped to it. She began to panic when she couldn"™t get out and began to frantically look around everywhere. She soon realized that there were bombs all around and right in front of her was another bomb but it had a radio attached to it, and a timer that was counting down.

Jane began to scream with tears running down her face, "HELP ME "¦ IS ANYONE THERE"¦ HELP ME!!!"


Jane recognized the voice and realized that it was coming from the radio.

"DEREK"¦ oh Derek thank god. Derek, please"¦ I need your help"¦ please."

"Jane"¦ I can"™t"¦ I"™m in some sort of warehouse. They got me strapped to a chair with a bunch of bombs!"

"I am to"¦ Derek."


In the jeep, Tim had set me down on the front seat with the map so that I could get a good look at it. The map gave us the distance to the warehouse as well as the layout of the structure. Tim was driving as fast as he could and whenever he hit a bump I was knocked off my feet. Not wanting to injure myself, I just decided to sit down and just crawl on the map if I needed a better look at something.

"Ok Tim, listen"¦ we have about four-and-a-half miles left before we get to the warehouse. When we get there, there will be two doors that we have to go through. The first door will lead us to a long hallway, and at the end of the hallway will be the other door. Jane"¦ will be in the room behind the second door. There are no windows in the warehouse, and it looks like its made out of bricks and concrete, so we"™ll need to get out of the building before the bomb explodes, otherwise the blast will kill us."


Jane managed to stop crying and was looking frantically for a way to get out of the chair when she noticed a sign that was lying next to the radio. Her blood ran cold when she read what was on it.

---Hello Jane. Right now Tim is in a race trying to save one of you. Just know that he will only be able to save one, which means the other will die. Have a nice day.---

"Derek"¦ There"™s a sign here that says only one of us is going to make it, and that there going to make Tim choose."

Derek herd his sister speak and realized that Tim would be going after her, and that he would have to find his own way out.

"Ok"¦ Jane"¦ don"™t worry"¦ everything is going to be fine"¦ Tim"™s coming for you."

"Ok Derek"¦ but what about you"¦ can you finds anything to help you get out, anything sharp?"

"I"™m trying," Derek said as he began to shuffle around in his chair.


Brian stood at the door watching Jim as he sat at the table with his head down. Slowly Jim"™s head began to rise and their eyes locked.

"Brian"¦ How does it feel to be a traitor to your own country?"

Brian just stood there with his pistol aimed at Jim"™s head ready to pull the trigger.

"You see"¦ once I break Tim, their country will fall. We would have conquered it a while back if Ken hadn"™t shown up and taught them how to fight"¦ but once I tear them apart, the rest will be easy, and they"™ll crumble."


Tim was driving frantically down the dirt trail. Each bump he hit would send me a couple feet into the air. I tried to hang onto the seat but it didn"™t work. Tim finally realized my situation, picked me up, and put me into the torn pocket on his shirt.

"Hang on Ken"¦ I think I can see the warehouse in the distance"¦ it looks like it"™s a couple miles away!"

"Then go faster"¦ punch it!"

"The jeep can"™t go any faster"¦ it"™s floored!"

As I looked at the speedometer I realized that we were only going about sixty-five mph because of the rough terrain.


Derek was struggling to get his hands free so that he could untie himself and escape. As he looked around there was nothing in the warehouse other than the bombs.

"Derek"¦ DEREK"¦ can you find anything sharp to get yourself out?"

"No Jane"¦ I can"™t"¦ I can"™t even get my hands free."

"Keep trying"¦ I"¦ I don"™t want to lose you."

"Don"™t talk like that Jane"¦ I"™m going to make it and so are you. We can get through this"¦ together."

"Ok Derek"¦ I trust you."


"I"™m not a monster Brian"¦ I just know how to get things done."

"Your killing innocent wolves who haven"™t done anything to you"¦ your nothing but garbage who kills for pleasure."

Jim just showed a sign of contempt across his face as he looked at Brian.

"You see Brian"¦ sometimes in order to get the advantage on your enemies, you have to play a little dirty."



As I looked through the windshield I could see the warehouse getting closer and closer.

"Tim look, there"™s the shack"¦ it"™s about two miles away."

"I see it Ken"¦ I see it."

As we kept getting closer I noticed that the trail was taking us a bit to the right of the warehouse. I realized that the trail was not a direct path to the building. I kept looking around for a faster way to the warehouse"¦ then, I noticed a field off to the left that would give us a direct path to the building.

"There, Tim"¦ cut through the field"¦ it"™ll be faster."


"You see Brian"¦ While Tim is out there playing his own game"¦ I"™ve been playing one also."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"You"™ve been a threat to us ever since you switched sides"¦ you know things that we would like to keep secret from the enemy. So how do we solve that problem? Easy"¦ We kill you."

"Oh yeah"¦ and how are you going to do that Jim"¦ Stare me to death."

"No"¦ it"™s a lot easier than that."

Brian watched as Jim pulled a second stopwatch out of another pocket, but this one only had twenty seconds left on it.

"What the hell is that?"

"Well, in about fifteen seconds, the bombs placed around this shack are going to explode. It doesn"™t matter if I die"¦ All I have to do is get you."

Brian switched his gaze from Jim to the stopwatch that only had ten seconds left on it. He quickly holstered his pistol as he ran towards the door.

"It"™s to late Brian"¦ You"¦ have lost"¦ HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Brian quickly ripped the door open and ran out as fast as he could. All he could hear was Jim laughing in the background. He heard the door shut behind him but had only made it ten feet when the bombs exploded. The blast lifted him off the ground and threw him tumbling through the air about thirty feet along with shrapnel from the shack. Brian lost consciousness from the explosion and was now lying on his back in the middle of a desert with pieces of burning debris all around him.


"Derek"¦ I have an idea. Why don"™t you try chewing through the ropes with your teeth."

"Good idea Jane!"

Derek then tried to bit through his ropes using his sharp canines. If he could chew through the ropes on his chest holding him to the chair, he could run out of the building. When he bit the ropes a wave of pain shot through his mouth.

"DAMMIT!! There must be some kind of metal wire inside the ropes"¦ I can"™t bite through it."


"Don"™t worry Jane"¦ I won"™t give up."

Jane didn"™t reply immediately. Derek just kept looking at the radio in front of him. Finally he got a response from Jane.

"Derek"¦ incase we don"™t make it."


"I know"¦ but I don"™t want to loose you."

Jane began to cry again at the thought of loosing her older brother.



Tim stopped the jeep as close as he could to the warehouse. He jumped out of the jeep and ran over to the door. When he turned the knob the door was locked. He quickly took out his pistol and shot through the lock. The door began to slowly swing open as Tim kicked it in.


The hallway was about one hundred feet long with florescent lights down the center.



Derek closed his eyes as if to prepare himself for what he had to do. He bit down on the ropes as hard as he could. Sever pain shot through his mouth as he fractured four of his canines. To his amazement it worked and the ropes on his chest, now cut, slowly began to fall to the ground.

"I"™m free Jane"¦ It worked, I can get out."

With out wasting any time Derek began running towards the door on the other side of the room, weaving though the bombs that were randomly placed between him and the exit.


Tim was only twenty feet away from the second door.


Tim raised his gun as he ran towards the door and shot the lock while running. The bullet went straight through and when he got to the door he kicked it open.

Oh God was the only thing I could think of when we entered the room. Running towards us at full speed was Derek, Tim"™s older brother.

Derek abruptly halted right in front of us, "What the hell are you doing here"¦ WHY ARE YOU COMING FOR ME!!!"

Tim didn"™t say anything; he was frozen in shock, and had a look of utter defeat written across his face.

"TIM WE HAVE TO MOVE, NOW!!!" I shouted from his shirt pocket.

Tim shook his head as if to bring himself back to reality. He looked at Derek and said, "I"™m sorry," before he took him by the arm and began to run back down the hall.


Jane heard some commotion through the radio and could swear that she heard Tim"™s voice.

"Derek, what"™s happening," she cried through the radio. "Is that Tim"¦ is he there with you"¦ I thought he was coming after me?"

"What"™s going on Derek, why wont you answer me?"

"Derek"¦ please," she said as she lowered her head down to her chest. "I don"™t want to die."

Jane began to slowly look up towards the door as a tear trickled down her face.


Tim managed to get Derek out of the building. We heard the explosion and as we turned around it was like watching the blast it in slow motion. The walls and the roof of the building began to bulge, and then a huge fireball erupted though the cracks and consumed everything. We could see another fireball racing down the hallway towards us. The fireball ripped the outside door off its hinges, and threw it over our heads. We where then hit by the blast wave and thrown into the air as everything went black.
Last edited by deatheater on Tue Nov 16, 2010 2:53 am, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby dragon mith » Thu Aug 26, 2010 9:58 am

three things...

one: "you kill me then you won"™t be able so save one of them."

thats ok..

two: this is batman... ehh, ok, but try being more imiagtive

three: why didnt derck think of that before? cutting through the ropes with teeth/claws should have been a first reaction

even with blind painc, this seems odd behavior...

however, its good to see you posting again.
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Postby deatheater » Thu Aug 26, 2010 5:16 pm

Ok.... you got me... I did use that scene as the basis for this chapter. It was a great film and I was like, man i got to put that in. I tried to change it up enough but you, Dragon Mith, catch everything lol. Don't worry, the last two chapters of this story, are pure imaginative. I just thought that it fit perfectly. I had the idea in my head for what i wanted to write, but didn't know how to write it. Then, I saw the clip and was like, this is perfect.

Anyways, Thank you very much, I appreciate your comments and support.
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Postby dragon mith » Fri Aug 27, 2010 9:48 am

great, but (and this sadly has happened many a time, dont have a random ending like, and then i went home. end.

many a story has been destoryed.

i cant wait.
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Postby deatheater » Fri Aug 27, 2010 5:15 pm

Don't worry... The last thing I want is a stupid ending lol. Unfortunately I will be going back to college so it may take a bit of time to get the next chapter out.
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