Planet Mallorn

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Planet Mallorn

Postby deatheater » Thu Feb 25, 2010 1:20 am

This is a repost of the first chapter. It's just one of many chapters that I will rewrite. Sorry that it doesn't fit with the second chapter but I will fix that soon. Warning... Contains Blood

Chapter 1: Mayday Mayday Mayday

"Hey, Ken... How long until we get back?"

"First of all, Charles, when you address me you will address me appropriately."

"Fine, Captain Billups, when will we get back to earth."

"Within the day Private, within the day."

I knew Private Dunham didn"™t mean any disrespect by his comment. That was just his way of speaking. Same with the others onboard: Private Christopher Jones, Private Daniel Hopkins, and Lieutenant Eric Holms. We were all about the same age, around twenty-five. All graduates of the same space program.

We had been together for almost six months on our space ship and we grew kind of fond of each other, but I still liked to keep things professional. My daily routine of engine checks, hydro core temperature checks, and habitat checks were done for the day, so I decided to put the ship on auto pilot and head back into the galley.

"What are you guys up to... hey, how many times have I told you to change the date on the calendar... if we don"™t then how will we know what day it is when we get back?" I just shook my head at them and tore off the previous day so that the calendar read:
Thursday August 28, 2283.

"Now, what are you guys up to back here?"

"Oh, not much. Just talking about how we can"™t wait to get back home to our families," Eric said.

"Yah, we"™ve been cooped up in this ship for almost six months, so I am really ready to get out," chimed in Daniel.

"Yah... well tell me about them," I asked, pulling up a chair to sit down at the table.

"Well, back home I"™ve got two kids and a house waiting for me," Chris said looking back at the Captain.

"I, was just married before we went on this trip, and I recently found out that my wife"™s pregnant, so I can"™t wait to get back home," Daniel said with a huge grin on his face.

"What about you Private Dunham?" I asked, looking at him from across the table.

"Well, my marriage has been a little shaky this past year, but we"™re trying to make it better," Charles said nodding his head, as if to convince himself also.

"Well, I guess that just leaves me," Eric said looking around at everyone. "I don"™t have a family, but I just recently accepted a new job offer to help train other people go into space. I"™ve always wanted to be a trainer, so once we land I"™ll be able to start."

"How about you, Captain?" Christopher asked, "What do you have waiting on the ground."

I looked back at the Private and said, "Nothing... This, is all I have, my ship and the unknown, and as soon as we land, I"™ll be given another crew to go back up with."

The men just looked at their Captain, realizing that he had no family, or anything back home other than this ship.

"I"™m sorry Captain," Eric said.

"Don"™t be, I love this life... this is my dream, and I wouldn"™t trade it for anything. So don"™t dwell on me, ok. So... on another note, what"™s for dinner, and if you say that tooth-past shit again I might shoot ya."

"No Captain, today we have MRE"™s," Chris said with a bit of a smirk on his face.

"Good, because I can"™t stand that other crap. I don"™t know why I even buy it."

All the other men began to laugh around the table looking at each other and then back at me. "All right, get the MRE"™s out and let"™s eat."

Once they were prepared, we all sat down in the galley to enjoy our meals. We all had some sort of pasta, but it was at least better than that tube stuff that they called food. We were all joking about each other, and what we were going to do once we got home, and that"™s when I realized that something was wrong.

"HEY! QUIET!" I shouted above everyone.

"What is it Captain, I don"™t hear anything?" Eric said.

"That"™s just it, I don"™t hear anything... The engines, I don"™t hear them."

I then heard something coming from the cockpit.

"whoop whoop...whoop whoop...whoop whoop"

"SON-OF-A BITCH!" I shouted as I jumped out of my seat and ran into the cockpit. The rest of the crew just sat at the table looking at each other, wondering what just happened.

I opened the door and jumped in the pilot"™s chair, catching a glimpse of our green and blue planet in front of us. I quickly scanned the engine instruments, the hydro core was fine, but it wasn"™t sending power to the engines.

Eric then burst through the cockpit door, "What"™s going on... What"™s happening?"

"I"™ve lost engine power... I"™m trying to restart the engines now, but if I don"™t get them started we"™re going to crash, in oh say, twenty minutes."

I then ran through the checklist for restarting the engines during flight. I held the switch in the ignition position, "Come on... come on... start... please, start," but nothing happened.

"What the hell is that?" Eric said, pointing out in front of me. I looked up and saw it; a bluish ring was now between us, and Earth.

"I don"™t know, but we"™re going through."

We passed straight through the ring, holding our breath the whole way. At first it didn"™t seem like anything had happened, but then I realized that I had lost all of my navigation equipment.

"SHIT, I lost the nav. equipment." The engine warning was still going off and it was distracting me so I pulled the circuit breaker to turn it off. The windscreen then started to glow red, as we entered Earth"™s atmosphere.

"Eric, I can"™t restart the engines, get in the back, strap yourselves in, and prepare for a crash landing."

"Ok, Captain, good luck," Eric said as he exited the cockpit to inform the crew. I then strapped myself in, preparing for the worst.

"Mayday, mayday, mayday... Adventure to Space Control, I"™ve lost engine power, we are now entering Earth"™s atmosphere at two thousand knots... I have lost all navigation equipment, and possibly the radios... I am going to put her down where I think it"™s safe... There are 5 souls onboard... mayday, mayday, mayday."

The men were wiping sweat off their brows looking frantically at each other. They were breathing heavily, and their hearts were pounding; everyone was scared.

"Oh my God we"™re going to die aren"™t we," Chris said holding onto both shoulder harnesses with his hands.

Eric then looked at Chris trying to comfort him, "No, no were not. Our Captain is a great pilot. He"™s going to do everything he can to put this ship down safely." Eric then looked ahead trying to hide the fear that was growing on his face.

All of the windows down the fuselage were glowing red and the ship began to shake a little from turbulence.

My eyes were dancing frantically across the control panel looking for a solution. Not finding one, I decided to shut down the hydro core to keep it from exploding on impact. I then extended the flaps to full to slow my decent.

We were traveling well above the flap design speed, but I had no choice, I had to extend the flaps now, because without the hydro core I couldn"™t operate them. The ship began to slow down and I could hear the sound of groaning metal. I then heard what sounded like several gunshots as the flaps tore away from the wings. They worked a little, managing to slow the ship down to about nine hundred knots.

I looked down at the security video and could see everyone in the back with their heads down. No doubt praying that they would survive. I looked ahead and could see the ground rapidly approaching, so I lifted the nose to try and slow the ship down as much as I could. Without the core I couldn"™t automatically lower the landing gear. I pulled the lever down and let the gear free fall, then used the emergency hand pump to lower it the rest of the way into the lock position. Three green lights illuminated on the control panel, the landing gear was down and locked.

Houses began to appear on the landscape and with no runway in sight I began to aim towards what looked like a field. The houses were getting closer and I was still traveling at about seven hundred knots. Judging the distance from the ground we were about five thousand feet in the air.

"Prepare for crash landing, prepare for crash landing," I shouted over the intercom.

The men looked at each other one last time, they knew the impact would be soon. Each let out a soft smile as if trying to comfort each other during the final moments.

We were one thousand feet off the ground, I had a spot picked out on the ground, and we were traveling at about five hundred knots; about five times faster than a normal approach. I took one last look out the side of the windscreen and noticed that the houses were about three hundred feet tall.

"What the hell is going on? Where the hell are we?" I said to myself as I turned away and looked out in front of me. I shook the thought and confusion from my mind and replaced it with a look of determination and focus. I then began to mentally count down to impact. "Five, four, three, two..."

The main gear hit hard and slammed the nose wheel into the ground. The resulting force destroyed the nose gear, and the uneven ground shredded what was left of the main gear. I was thrown forward in my seat, and almost blacked out from the force.

In the back, the men shut their eyes hard as the main gear hit the ground. All the men shot forward in their seats, but Chris"™s eyes shot open as his shoulder harness broke free. He screamed as he was thrown across the galley into a wall. The other men watched in horror as Chris"™s body left a red smear on the wall and now lay limp on the floor.

Eric and Charles looked at each other with concern, and then noticed that Daniel, who was sitting between them, wasn"™t moving. His neck had been broken from the whiplash.

"OH MY GOD!" Charles yelled, screaming in panic. The ship was still skidding across the ground as light began to pierce through the sides of the fuselage. Charles went into blind panic, "OH MY GOD THE SHIPS BREAKING APART, WE"™RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"

Eric just kept praying that they would be ok. The light was coming through near the windows. The force of the impact had cracked the seams between the windows and the pressure threatened to blow them out.

The ship hit a bump in the ground and a couple of the windows on Charles side exploded. Eric was watching Charles, who was watching the windows when they broke. Charles"™ head then snapped around towards Eric; a piece of glass protruding from the center of his forehead. Eric watched as Charles"™ head slumped forward, and blood began to stain the glass red.

Suddenly the ship came to a halt as Eric threw up in his lap. He unbuckled his harness and fell to the ground in front of him crying and in pain.

Back up front, I unbuckled my shoulder harness and exited the cockpit; the control panel was randomly sparking behind me. When I entered the galley I saw the magnitude of the crash. My gorge rose but I held it down. I didn"™t know what to do. All of my crewmembers were dead, and it was all my fault.

Eric"™s body began to move and I ran over to him. "Eric... Eric... Are you ok?" Eric was crying and all I could do was hold him in my arms. I then gave him a hug, "It"™s ok Eric, it"™s ok... your safe... your fine."

After about a minute just sitting there I helped him to his feet. "Come on Eric, we need to get out of the ship, now." Eric just nodded towards me as we stood up.

We walked over to the door, and I punched in the security code next to it to depressurize the airtight seal. A green light illuminated on the keypad and I opened the door. As the sunlight shown in on our faces, we both winced as the door opened. Holding each other in the doorway, once our eyes focused, we both stood in shock at what we saw.
Last edited by deatheater on Mon Oct 25, 2010 8:34 am, edited 4 times in total.
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Postby lolzrpwnrd » Thu Feb 25, 2010 2:52 am

Not bad...but I have several critiques:

[quote:b6e38d8126]The force of the blast was enough to throw the three of [b:b6e38d8126]us[/b:b6e38d8126] several feet backward as a mushroom cloud rose over [b:b6e38d8126]their[/b:b6e38d8126] heads.[/quote:b6e38d8126]
You changed from 1st to 3rd person narration several times when you were speaking from Ken's perspective. Be careful to keep the same narration type and tense throughout.


[quote:b6e38d8126]The force of the blast was enough to throw the three of us several feet backward as a mushroom cloud rose over their heads.


Tim watched from his window as he saw what he thought was a small meteor fall from the sky and hit the ground in his back yard. [/quote:b6e38d8126]
You should really have some kind of break to say, "Hey, I've switched perspectives!" I personally use ------ but you can use whatever, just find what works for you.


Your first paragraph could have been divided up more. Reading a huge blob of text online is not pleasing for the reader, and they will get turned off very quickly because of this.


[quote:b6e38d8126]"Yes" I said, please"¦ don"™t eat"¦ me; I didn"™t know what else to say and just waited for the giant to speak. Tim stared at me in disbelief and was sorry for what he had just done. He then spoke and said that he would not hurt me and was sorry for what he did to my friend. He then asked what my name was, what I was, and what I was doing hear. I told him that my name was Ken, and explained how I was a human from a planet called earth, and that my spaceship crashed with four other humans onboard, two of which died from the crash, one I don"™t know what happened to and the other"¦ um"¦ you ate"¦ so umm"¦ what"™s"¦. your name"¦.[/quote:b6e38d8126]
Okay, while I understand your 1st person perspective, this section has several mistakes. Here's how I would write it:

[quote:b6e38d8126="My Version"]"Y-Yes," I said timidly as the giant fixated me with a curious expression. "Please...don't eat me."

The creature looked at me with a pained expression, and then started quickly saying how he wouldn't hurt me and how sorry he was about what he did to my friend. Then, in a friendlier tone, he asked me my name and my reason for being here.

"I'm Ken," I replied, timidly at first but slowly gaining in confidence. "We were from a planet called Earth, and when our ship crashed, two of my close friends died." I gulped, swallowing the pain and hurt I felt from the loss of their lives. "And you," I started, but then was unable to finish as the horrible memory of Bob's ripped-open torso filled my mind. The giant nodded his understanding, and blahblahblahblah.[/quote:b6e38d8126]
Also, make sure not to use a character's name before your narrator has learned it. Considering he is not omnipotent, he shouldn't know Tim's name until it is said.


[quote:b6e38d8126]Bob, Bill, Chris, and James[/quote:b6e38d8126]
I'm sorry, but these are very generic names. Interesting and memorable names make the reader more likely to remember your story and be more interested in the characters. And last names are helpful as well. I draw on movies, games, and everyday life for my names, I even used a phone book for The War to End All Wars.


Some choppy sentences here and there, and try and vary the structure/size.


Finally, you condense what could be a four or five chapter story into one big piece of text. To keep people interested, try shorter (if you use Word, about 3-4 pages) updates with the occasional cliffhanger. Another strategy is to get a general plot outline before writing ANYTHING. That way, your story has direction and a purpose.

Overall, an okay first story. Just keep at it, you'll get better the more you write, and don't worry about comments that are just flat-out negative (I got several of these when I first published on this site). Just some more polish and a few tweaks here and there and you could have a longer narrative. Sorry if this was kind of long btw, hope it helps somewhat!

Almost forgot! Feel free to PM me if you need any help, I'll be happy to.
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Postby dragon mith » Thu Feb 25, 2010 9:59 am

I was surprised to find out that they were both untouched and still working. I wasn’t to surprised because these electronics were designed to withstand a crash and post crash fire.

small err there, but a very nive story, good work! :lol:
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Postby deatheater » Thu Feb 25, 2010 3:33 pm

Thanks lolzrpwnrd for the feedback. I will try cut up my paragraphs into smaller ones, as I like to write big paragraphs. I will also keep my Chapters much shorter than the first. Hopefully the second chapter will be much better and will be uploaded in a couple of days.
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Postby deatheater » Thu Feb 25, 2010 11:09 pm


Chapter 2: Planet Mallorn

Tim was sitting at his desk, filling out his recruitment form for the military. He had just sealed the letter when something outside his bedroom window caught his eye. It looked like a toy plane, but as it got closer he could see smoke coming out of it.

"Hmm, must be some kid"™s toy... well whatever it is, it looks like it"™s going to crash."

Tim kept watching it until it fell behind the fence into a field behind his backyard. He couldn"™t see it hit the ground, but knew it was back there and just waited for a kid to come out and claim it. When nobody came he decided to go and check it out for himself.

"Ken... Where the hell are we?"

"I don"™t know." I just looked around at the tall trees in the distance and the blades of grass that were about twice our size.

Because the landing gear was damaged the doorway was only about ten feet off the ground instead of twenty.

"All right Eric, we gotta jump," I said as I took him by the hand. We both jumped together and landed with a thud, on the ground. As we got to our feet, we just looked up at the grass that was now over our heads.

"Ken... What"™s going on?"

I looked at Eric, but I didn"™t know. Usually I had the answers, and was calm, but this time I was nervous and didn"™t know what to say. I tried to regain some control of the situation, so as not to appear weak.

"Ok, Eric, first things first, we need to build a camp. If someone comes looking for us, the best place to be is next to the ship. Go out, but don"™t venture to far, and find something to burn, while I attempt to make some sort of camp here."

"But what about the ship? Can"™t we stay in there?"

"No... I don"™t know how badly damaged the ship is, and if a fire starts while we"™re sleeping, we"™ll both die. I can"™t take that risk. Plus, I don"™t think we can get back in it now."

"Ok Ken, I"™ll go look for something to burn," Eric said as he turned around and started to walk off in the tall grass. I kept watching until I couldn"™t see him any more and then started to make camp.

Tim opened the gate and then stepped out his back yard and into the field. He spotted the toy out in front of him, and then after looking to the left and the right and realized no one was coming, he proceeded to walk over to it.

I was on the ground, making a fire pit when I heard a scream that was cut short. I realized that Eric was just killed by something so I immediately stood up, and looked into the tall grass. Suddenly a shadow fell on me and when I looked up, I nearly passed out. It was a man, no, a wolf; it was about eighty feet tall, and it was coming towards me. Panic took over me and I began to run away into the tall grass.

Tim walked over to the strange toy and when he bent down to look at it, he noticed something dart off behind it. He couldn"™t see what it was, but he could see the grass moving as it ran off. At first he thought it was a mouse, but he noticed that it was moving rather slow in the tall grass, so he decided to see what it was.

I just kept running, even though I had no clue where I was running too. I thought I had escaped the monster but the shadow came back, and I started to run again. I knew I wasn"™t getting far; running through grass that"™s about twice my size was like running through the thickest jungle. However this time I couldn"™t escape the shadow, and I did the one thing that I shouldn"™t have, I looked back.

I didn"™t know what to do when I saw a huge furry hand with huge claws reaching for me. I frozen in fear, and was powerless as the monster"™s hand reached through the grass. Thank god, I didn"™t have to go, because if I did I would have soiled myself as the huge fingers closed around me.

My stomach left me as I was lifted into the air, and brought to the face of the huge monster. It had huge brown eyes, grey fur, clothes, and oh god, huge fangs that could rip me apart in seconds. It"™s nose flared and I could feel its warm breath wash over my face.

I was shaking in fear; here I was, caught in the grasp of a huge monster that was probably going to eat me alive. I saw it"™s mouth open a bit and I began to panic.

"NOOO... p-please d-don"™t eat me," I screamed as I looked down and began to cry. My eyes were closed, and I could feel the hand move again.

"What... what did you say?"

I heard the words and opened my eyes. I looked up at the wolf that now had a confused look on its face. I was still crying a bit and said again, "P-Please... please don"™t eat me."

The wolf just looked at me for a second, "Oh my god... you can talk." He then changed his grip on me, and instead of being in a closed fist, I was now in an open palm. "Who are you... what are you?" the giant wolf asked with an astonished look on his face.

"M-my name is K-Kenneth B-Billups, and I"™m a human from planet Earth. W-who are you, and w-where am I?"

"My name is Timothy Peterson, and you"™re on planet Mallorn."

I then asked the question that was pulling inside me, "Timothy... a-are you going to k-kill me?"

"Just call me Tim, and why would I kill you. You can talk, you"™re a person like me, just, smaller. Don"™t worry little fella, I"™d never kill you."

Thank god, those words were like music to my ears. Maybe this giant wolf wasn"™t so bad after all.

"Tell me Ken... may I call you Ken... did you fly here in that," pointing to the ship on the ground.

"You can call me Ken... and yes, I did. I lost the engines on re-entry and crashed. There were four of us, but now... now I"™m the only one left.

Tim felt sorry for the little thing. Here he was in a world of giants, and all alone. When he looked down at him he noticed that Ken was still crying a bit.

"Don"™t worry Ken, I"™ll be your friend. You can stay with me for as long as you"™d like, and I"™ll take care of you."

I looked up at Tim and managed a smile, "Thanks... I"™m glad to have met you."

Tim just smiled and began to walk back to my ship. What good fortune I was having. Here I was, just about to die, and I end up making a friend with a giant wolf.

Once Tim got back to my ship I had him lower his hand to the door. When I walked inside the galley the sight was still horrifying. I now had to move the dead bodies out of the ship. I dragged Chris"™s body to the door first and had Tim grab him by the arm, pull him out, and set him on the ground. Then came Daniel and Charles, and when I unlocked their seatbelts they both fell forward onto the ground. I cringed as the shard of glass was forced all the way into Charles"™ head. I then dragged them both to the exit, and again Tim grabbed them by the arm and set them on the ground next to each other.

I then had Tim pile a mound of dirt on top of them and asked him to set me onto the mound when he was done. He did and once I was on top, I fell to my knees. I grabbed a handful of dirt, and said a prayer for each of them, and then looked up at Tim who picked me up again.

"Are you ok Ken?"
"Yeah I"™m fine."

"Ok, I"™m gonna take you to my house... it"™s just over there" pointing to a brown fence a little ways away.

"Ok Tim, but could you take my ship with you please... it shouldn"™t be to heavy."

Tim had a pocket on his shirt and he asked if it was ok if he put me in there so he could use both hands to lift the ship. I told him that it was ok, and he lowered me into his pocket. I was relieved that Tim could lift my ship. He then walked back to his house, with the ship in his hands and myself in his pocket.

He was right; his house wasn"™t too far away. He opened the massive gate, and closed it behind him, and I got a good look at his yard. I figured that it was a normal sized yard, because I could see the roofs of the houses next door. There was a small patio and a storm shelter in the back corner.

Tim took my ship into his room, shut the door behind him and set it down on his desk. He then lifted me out of his pocket and set me down on the desk next to my ship. He pulled up a chair and sat down studying the ship and the weird creature that he found. It walked and talked like him, but it had no fur, no tail, and no muzzle. Suddenly there was a knock at the door, and it opened.

"Tim, what do have? I wanna see it."

It was another wolf, shorter than Tim but still huge compared to me. It must have been Tim"™s sister. I was watching her and kind of hoped that she didn"™t see me, but I had no such luck. She looked right at me and her eyes widened and her jaw dropped.

Tim was just looking back and forth at the two of us. I didn"™t know what to do and took a step backward. She than began to run over to the desk. I recoiled a bit in fear and fell over backwards. When she reached the desk she put both hands on it and leaned in a little to close for comfort. I didn"™t know what she would do, and I began to curl up a bit.

"Tim, what is it? Is it dangerous?"

"No Jane, it"™s not dangerous. It"™s a human and his name is Ken. He flew here in that ship, but crashed. He can speak just like us."

"Really... Hi little Ken, my name is Jane, you"™re cute."

I had been called many things in my life, and cute wasn"™t one of them. I opened my eyes and began to stand up, still a bit hesitant though. I looked back at her and said, "H-Hi J-Jane, it"™s nice to meet you."

"It"™s nice to meet you to," She then looked at Tim, "Can I hold him Tim?"

"That"™s up to him, Jane. You"™ll have to ask him first."

"Can I pick you up little Ken?"

I had to think about it for a second. I really hoped that she didn"™t see me as a doll or toy. "Umm... sure."

"Yay," she hollered as she picked me up in her hand. She then gave me a huge hug that threatened to break a bone or two. Once she was done she set me back down on the desk, and then looked back at Tim.

"Is he gonna stay Tim?"

"I"™m not sure, I offered to let him stay with us but that"™s up to him."

"Oh Ken, please stay with us. Please... we can take care of you."

"I don"™t know, I"™ve only been here a day and it"™s been horrible. You guys have been great, but I"™ve lost four of my friends. I"™ll have to think about it, but for now, until I fix my ship, I"™m stuck here."

"Well, you don"™t have to worry about anything, because as long as you"™re here we"™ll take care of you," Tim said.

"Thank you all, you could have left me for dead, but you didn"™t. I really appreciate your hospitality."

"Ok Jane, do you mind leaving Ken and I alone for a bit?"

"Ok Tim, bye little Ken."

"Bye Jane," I chuckled as I watched her skip out of the room.

"Ok Ken, do you know what"™s broken on your ship, and is there anything I can do to help?"

"Yes there is, all of the tires on the landing gear have been shredded, so I need six new ones about my size. The rest is damage that"™s inside the ship so I"™ll need to fix that myself."

"Ok, six tires about your size... that shouldn"™t be a problem."

"Just make sure that there made of rubber and not plastic, ok."

"Sure, anything else?"

"Yes, could you please lift me up so I can get inside?"

Tim nodded and lifted me up to the door. Once I got inside, I needed to assess the damage and figure out how I was going to fix it. Luckily I had a laptop that had repair instructions for any given problem. After looking over the ship, I found that I needed to fix the torn seems by the windows, replace some of the windows that were blown out, put in some new flaps, and reset some circuit breakers. It seemed like a lot, but with the laptop, even a ten year old could fix it with the instructions given. When I was done inside, I walked over to the door and Tim set me back on the desk.

"Well Ken, can you fix it?"

I then looked up at him with a smile, "Yeah, I can, and it should only take me about a day to repair it."

I noticed that Tim looked a little upset, when I told him that it would only take a day to fix my ship. I think he wanted me to stay for while, before I headed back home. Tim then yawned because it was getting late. I could see all of his teeth which made me a bit nervous. When Tim looked back down at me he could see that I was a bit uneasy, from his teeth.

"Sorry Ken, I"™ll try to hide them in the future."

"No, it"™s ok Tim. I"™m just gonna have to get used to it if I decide to stay for a while."

I then saw Tim smile a bit at my last comment, and I started to smile a bit to. Maybe staying here was not such a bad idea after all. I had my ship, I really didn"™t have anything back on Earth, but here, I had someone who was willing to take care of me; a giant wolf.

It was getting close to lights out, so I pulled out a sleeping bag from my ship to sleep in on Tim"™s desk. Tim got into his bed and I crawled into my sleeping bag. Just before Tim shut off the lights the door opened again and Jane peeked her head in.

"Good night little Ken, sleep tight."

"Good night Jane, I"™ll see you tomorrow."

Jane smiled and shut the door. Tim then asked if I was ready and I told him yes. He then shut off the light and we both drifted off to sleep.


The Next Chapter

Chapter 3: Friendship and Trust

That night I couldn"™t sleep. Call it nerves, fear, or the cold, but no matter what I did, nothing helped. I was shivering, curled up in a ball, and was just staring at my ship. I looked at the clock hanging on the wall; it was about one-thirty in the morning. I heard Tim begin to move and get up out of his bed. I listened some more and realized he was walking over to the desk were I was sleeping. I realized that he was trying to be quiet, but when you"™re eighty feet tall, you really can"™t tip-toe over to someone who"™s about two inch, and that made me smile a bit.

Tim could see that Ken was shaking a bit from the cold. It was no wonder the little thing was shivering because he had no fur. Feeling sorry for the little guy, he then, as gently as he could, picked up Ken and walked back over to his bed. Once he got into in his bed, he set Ken on top of his chest and laid his hand over him, keeping the little guy warm.

I didn"™t move or say anything when Tim picked me up and set me down on top of his chest. He covered me with his hand and for once I felt safe and warm. Not worrying any more and finally warm I drifted off to sleep.

The next day I woke up to a rising and falling motion. For a second, I forgot that I was sleeping on Tim"™s chest and looked around a bit. Tim then began to wake up, and thank god he remembered that I was on his chest and didn"™t sit up. He looked down at me and smiled a bit, remembering not to show his teeth, and then picked me up with one hand and put me in the palm of the other as he began to sit up.

Tim stood up and walked over to his desk. "Did you have a good night sleep Ken?"

"Yes, yes I did. I"™ll admit at first I wasn"™t able to sleep because it was cold. But what you did last night to keep me warm, I really appreciated it."

"You"™re welcome," Tim said as he set me back down on the desk.

"Well, I"™ve got a long day ahead of me... I need to repair my ship and should get started on it as soon as possible."

"Are you hungry at all Ken, maybe we should get something to eat first?"

Just as soon as Tim finished his sentence, the door to his room swung open and Jane came bursting in.

"Mommy said breakfast will be ready in five minutes, so you better hurry up."

"Thanks Jane, tell mom that I"™ll be right down, but don"™t tell her about Ken, ok."

"Ok, see you latter little Ken," Jane said as she left and shut the door behind her.

I couldn"™t help but wonder what exactly these huge wolves ate. I remember from earlier that Tim said he only ate cooked meat, but who knows what that meant.

"Are you ready to meet my parents?"

"Yeah, do you think they"™ll like me?"

"I sure hope so."

Tim really wasn"™t filling me with a lot of confidence. So I tried to think of a way for him to tell his parents.

"Tim, I have an idea. Put me in my ship and carry it down to the breakfast table. You can then introduce me as I step out into your hand, or onto the table."

"That sounds like a good idea."

Tim put me back into my ship and then carried it down to the kitchen table. When he entered the room his dad was sitting at the table and his mom was cooking over the stove. Tim set the ship down on the table, and his parents both began to look at the ship with confused expressions.

"What is that?" Tim"™s dad said.

"Mom... Dad... this is a spaceship that was flown hear from a planet called Earth, and the person that flew it is called Ken. He"™s a lot like us in that he can speak our language and stands like we do, but he has no fur, no tail, a flat face, and is only two inches tall."

"Wow Tim, that"™s quite the imagination you got there." Tim"™s mom said to him with a bit of a chuckle.

"No mom, it"™s true, here, I"™ll show you," Tim said as he held his palm in front of the door.

I was a little hesitant to step out, because I didn"™t know what these larger wolves would do. I figured that it was now or never and stepped into Tim"™s hand, keeping an eye on the larger wolves. They just looked at me; blank expressions on their faces, so I decided to break the ice.

"Hello... my name is Ken. It"™s very nice to meet you both. Your son has been very kind to me, giving me a place to stay for the night. I really hope you don"™t mind."

But still they didn"™t say anything. I motioned to Tim to set me down on the table, and after he did, I walked over to them.

"Please, I hope you"™re not mad at your son. I wouldn"™t even be here, but my ship crashed. Four of my men were killed and now I"™m the only one left." I was getting a little nervous because they weren"™t saying anything. "If you want me to leave... I will."

"Of course not," Tim"™s mother said as she stepped closer to the table and sat down. "We"™re honored to have you here in our house. Hun can you believe it. An actual alien, here, we should tell someone."

"No, please... not yet. I need to fix my ship first, then you can tell whomever you want."

"Sure... oh how rude of me, I never introduced myself. My name is Sheral Petterson, and this is my husband Greg."

"Well Mrs. Petterson, my name is Kenneth Billups."

"Are you hungry Ken?" Sheral said as she sat up and walked over to the stove.

"A bit."

"Well, it won"™t take much to feed you, now will it," Greg said with a bit of a smirk.

"I guess not," I said looking back at him.

Sheral then brought over four plates with food on them, and set them down on the table. I walked back over to Tim and had him set me in my ship again. I got some eating utensils out and walked back to the door. Tim then set me back down on the table next to his napkin. He tore off some small pieces of his food and set them down in front of me. I was relieved when I found out that it was just eggs and bacon.

Jane entered the room and sat down at the table, followed by her mother, and they all began to eat. I couldn"™t help but watch them all for a second. I was still afraid of their maws and watched as they all consumed, what looked to me like, massive amounts of food. I just looked down and ate quietly until I was finished.

Once they all finished, Sheral cleaned up the dishes and exited the room with Greg, leaving Tim, Jane and myself at the table.

Jane was the first to break the silence, "So little Ken, do you want to play?"

I looked up at her, "Jane... I"™m sorry, but right now I need to work on my ship, so I"™m not going to be able to play with you at the moment, but maybe later."

"Ok little Ken, I"™ll come back later," Jane said. She got out of her seat, and followed her mom out of the room.

"Ok Tim, can you go and find the six tires that I was talking about earlier?"

"Sure Ken, but what about the rest of the stuff that you were talking about?"

"Don"™t worry, everything else I need is already on the ship. Imagine that... I can fix any problem on the ship with the extra equipment I have, but the one thing that"™s not on the ship is a spare set of tires."

Tim and I laughed a bit, then I had him lift me up to my ship, and once I was in, he headed out of the room to get the tires I needed. I pulled out the laptop with the repair instructions on it and proceeded to fix my damaged ship. A couple hours went by, in which Jane decided just to sit at the table and watch me through the windows.

I would occasionally wave to her, and would laugh a bit when her ears perked up as she waved back. I had fixed the flaps, the broken seams in-between the windows, and was just finishing up with the popped circuit breakers when Tim returned. He set the six tires that he had found on the table, and then helped me out of the ship so that I cold take a look at them.

"These tires are perfect Tim... thank you for finding them for me."

"You"™re welcome."

It was about two in the afternoon when I finished attaching the new tires to the landing gear. My ship was now fixed and flyable. It turns out that the engines failed because the fuel hose, connecting the hydro core to the engines, failed, and split in two. Jane left the room for a second, and when she returned she had a plastic staircase with her.

"Here little Ken, this is from my dollhouse, but you can use it."

She then put it next to the ships door and it was just the right size.

"Thank you Jane, now I don"™t have to keep using your brother as an elevator anymore."

We all laughed a bit and then I climbed up the stairs into the ship, and pulled out one of my favorite items.

"What"™s that Ken?" Tim said as he looked at the item in my arms.

"I wanted to show you guys this earlier. This is called and anti-matter rail gun. It"™s one of our most powerful weapons back on Earth. I"™ll show you guy"™s what it can do but first we"™ll have to go outside."

Tim set his hand on the table and I climbed into it and sat down so that I didn"™t loose my balance as he walked. He also cupped his hand slightly to offer some protection as well. I even had Tim get his parents so that they could watch as well.

Once we were outside I looked around for something to use as a target. I noticed a flock of birds flying overhead so I pointed to them. "There!" I shouted, "Watch the bird out in front." After taking careful aim, I slowly squeezed the trigger. The gun began to hum and shot out a short purple beam. The beam hit the bird, and the bird was enveloped in a growing purple sphere with flickering purple electrical sparks dancing around it. The sphere then shrank, enlarged again dissipating into thin air. Not only was the lead bird gone, but the whole flock was gone as well.

"Woah," Tim said, speaking for everyone, "That was amazing!"

"Yeah, you"™re lucky that I didn"™t have this with me when we first met, otherwise you might not be here."

"Yeah, thanks," Tim said still looking up at the sky.

An hour later there was a knock at the front door. Sheral answered the door and found her neighbors, and a news crew standing on her porch. They all wanted to know what the purple light was coming from over their house. She asked them to please wait, and waked into the living room where Tim and I were sitting.

"Ken," Sheral asked, "Are you ready to meet some people? I won"™t make you if you"™re not ready."

"No that"™s ok, you can bring them in, but could you have then sit on the couch... I still get a bit uncomfortable around new wolves, and I don"™t want them standing over me... and I don"™t want them to pick me up either."

"Ok dear, you just wait on the table, and I"™ll bring them in," Sheral said as she left the room.

"Tim, could you please bring my ship in here."

"Sure," Tim said as he left the room.

Jane was sitting in her dad"™s lap, kicking her legs back and fourth when Tim came back with my ship. He set it on the table behind me with the staircase, just as his mom entered the room with the other wolves. She led them to the couch and had them all sit down. They hadn"™t noticed me yet, but were looking intently at my ship. Then, I saw their ears perk up one at a time as they noticed me on the table. They all looked like they were about to lunge forward at me and I took a couple steps back when Sheral stopped and told them to remain seated.

I saw the cameras lens shift a bit, no doubt zooming in. Then, Tim"™s dad put on the news and there I was, on the television screen, with the caption Live at the bottom.

"Well I guess the words out now," I whispered under my breath.

I looked up as I heard them all gasp. They heard me and were astonished that I could speak. The lead news wolf then asked me who I was and what I was, as she leaned forward and put the microphone next to me.

"Well... my name is Captain Kenneth Billups."

Tim looked at his dad and mouthed the word captain to him to which his dad smiled back.

"I am a human from planet Earth, and the year, on my planet, is 2283. As you can see, we are pretty small compared to you, which is pretty scary compared to me. The purple light you saw was from a weapon of mine. I come in peace... my crew and I were on our way home, when we went through some sort of wormhole. I lost the engines on the ship and... you know what... why don"™t I just show you."

Everyone in the room, even Tim and his family, looked at me lost and confused. I went into my ship, entered the cockpit and pulled up the security camera footage. Using the rabbit ears on top their television, I was able to transmit the camera signal to their television. I watched out the windscreen as the T.V. flickered a bit then showed the security video-feed.

I saw the wolf holding the camera focus on the television, and then I rewound the video to the point just before we entered the wormhole. There was no color, it was just shades of blue and white, but there was sound. I exited the ship and told everyone that I was the one piloting the ship.

"What the hell is that?" "I don"™t know, but were going through."

I explained to them that I had lost engine power and this was the point that I went through the wormhole. They saw me hit some switches and pull a lever down. I told them that I had shut off the hydro-core, extended the flaps to slow the ship down and extended the landing gear. The next thing they heard was the gunshots and I told them that it was the flaps ripping off the wings because I was coming in to fast. They were all leaning forward, slowly in anticipation, and I was turning away at what came next.

"Prepare for crash landing, Prepare for crash landing," I then shut my eyes.

The video-feed only flickered once, and that was at the moment of impact. When it came back on Chris"™s body flew past the screen and their maws dropped open as they gasped. They soon covered their maws with their hands in shock. Their eyes widened as they saw light pierce through the fuselage and winced as the windows exploded. When the video stopped shaking they saw two humans with their heads down and the other fall out of his seat. They saw me unbuckle my seat, get out of my chair and stumble over to the one that fell.

I went back into the ship, shut off the video-feed and walked back out onto the table. They were all speechless, and none of them knew what to say. Tim took his hand off his mouth and spoke as the camera fell back on me.

"What happened to the other one?"

"He was killed right before you showed up, and that"™s when Tim here saved me. Although I thought I was going to die at the time; crushed or even worse... eaten. However, I"™d probably be dead if it wasn"™t for Tim here, and for that I"™m grateful."

Tim put his hand on the table, and I climbed onto it and sat in his palm. He brought me closer to him as the camera followed. Then the wolf with the microphone spoke again.

"Well Captain Billups, it looks like you"™ve made quite the friendship with these people, and I welcome you to our planet Mallorn." The camera then panned over to her. "Well as you can see, we are not alone in the universe and this little guy proves it." She then looked back at me, "Anything else you"™d like to say before we go?" she said, holding the microphone next to me.

"Yes... To everyone else out there watching, this will be my only interview on television, and for you scientist"™s out there. No, you cannot study me, my ship, or my weapons... only because my technology is from 2283, but once you develop it on your own, we can talk. Anyways, thank you, I look forward to my time here on this planet, and with this kind family."

Once they left, I was happy and nervous at the same time. Happy, that wolf"™s now knew whom I was, and hopefully they wouldn"™t look at me like a freak, but nervous, because now they knew what my technology was capable of, and at my size, I couldn"™t really fight one of them off without my weapon.

"I really hope that we"™re not bothered now because of that."

"I doubt we"™ll be bothered," Tim said, walking back to his room.

It was getting late, and was time for bed again. After taking a bath in their bathroom sink I was ready to sleep. Tim offered to let me sleep with him like the night before and that made me feel better, knowing how cold it got at night. It was about ten at night when we both finally went to bed.

That night I woke up to the sound of a siren that was very familiar to one on Earth. "Oh my god, it"™s a tornado... Tim wake up, it"™s a tornado."

Tim stirred a little then blinked a few times before I saw his ears perk up from the sound. I saw his eyes open immediately and he quickly grabbed me off his chest, jumped out of bed, and put on a shirt.

"Ken, hurry up and get dressed, we need to leave know!"

He didn"™t even have to tell me. As soon as he set me on the desk I was dressed in a few seconds and ready to go. Suddenly his mom burst into the room and yelled at us to hurry up. Tim picked me up again and ran out of his room towards the backyard.

"Wait Tim, don"™t forget my ship, I can"™t afford to loose it."

He put me in his shirt pocket and grabbed my ship off the coffee table. Sheral was out the door first, followed by Greg, who was holding Jane, and then Tim. When Tim ran outside I looked up, but didn"™t see anything. No clouds, no rain, no wind; just a clear cloudless sky covered with stars.

Sheral opened the door, and Greg and Jane entered the storm shelter first followed by Tim. Just as soon as Tim entered the door I saw a flash of light off in the distance. Sheral ran inside and locked the door behind her. I could hear the muffled sound of thunder off in the distance, but it was getting louder and wasn"™t stopping. Sheral lit an oil lamp just as the power went out.

The storm shelter began to shake as the thunder got closer and closer. I had to cover my ears because it was so loud, and then I heard a faint whistling in the distance that was getting louder and louder but decreasing in pitch. It stopped and was followed by a huge explosion. The shelter began to shake as light began to pierce though the seams of the door. A sliver of light hit my face, and I shut my eyes as Jane screamed.
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Postby gadabout » Fri Feb 26, 2010 4:34 pm

A significant improvement from the first post and I commend your progress (especially after this error from the first post:
Later that week Tim decided to show me to his class. They were all ecstatic to see me and they all wanted to hold me. Everyone who did was genital and couldn’t wait until Tim brought me back to school. What was equally impressive was when Tim brought my video to class.

I know it was unintentional but still... O.o)

I think your major issue now would be to use the correct words eg.

he quickly looked back and then down at me who was waiving back at him. I saw his ears raise strait up along with his eyebrows and he was out of bed and next

straight is the word you want there.

Any way, great improvement :)[/b]
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Postby lolzrpwnrd » Fri Feb 26, 2010 8:15 pm

Much better! Like gadabout said, just word choice and spelling errors.

Another tip, in space, twenty feet is extremely close, try 20 kilometers. When objects are travelling at thousands of kilometers per second, then 20 feet is like a few millimeters.

I like railguns. :D Just actually watched a Future Weapons episode about them.
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Postby deatheater » Wed Mar 03, 2010 12:21 am

Well here is chapter 4. Sorry it took so long to get posted, I've been away from an internet connection for the past couple days, but I have been writing in the mean time, so for the next couple days I will be posting the next 3 chapters. Enjoy...

Chapter 4: The Kantorians

Their was nothing left of the house that we called home. It was like a tornado had ripped through the area, only instead twisted ruins, there was smoldering ash. Everything was gone, even the runway that was built for me was destroyed.

We had a fence that surrounded the property, and prevented me from seeing the other houses, but it was gone and I could see all of the houses on their block. They were also blown away and I could see families emerging from the wreckage and bunkers in which they hid.

No one said a single word, because there was nothing to say. Deep sorrow was felt all around and because no one said anything you could here the faint crying from the other families. When someone finally did speak it was Tim"™s father who quietly said, "I didn"™t think they would make it this far in." I herd him speak, but no one else did because they were still in shock.

We slowly stepped out of the bunker unsure of what to do. The first thing that we came to was the runway that was built for me. It had huge cracks all over the runway surface that were unfixable with simple concrete. I was really upset that this was destroyed because it was built just for me, and Tim had spent time trying to keep it clean and dirt free.

After passing the runway we came to the house that was totally destroyed. Jane and her mother started to cry at what they saw and Tim and his father just stood their watching. Tim"™s father took his mother and Tim took Jane in their arms and tried to comfort them as much as possible.

The five of us then started to go through the wreckage and recover whatever we could find. There was not much left since the fire had burned everything that was not destroyed from the blast of the explosion. I then noticed something shiny out of the corner of my eye and told Tim to go over and look at what it was.

When Tim picked up the item we realized that it was picture on the front of an album that read "Our Family." While the front picture was pretty much destroyed when Tim opened it he found that all of their family pictures were still intact. Tim"™s mother and father were pretty happy when we found this, because it was all that they had left of their old life in this house.

After a while we had all found some objects that were not destroyed: clothing, tools, and even some of Tim"™s mother"™s jewelry. We then took all of the objects and put them in the bunker along with my ship. Tim"™s dad then put a pad lock on the door with a combination so we all could enter, and also so that no one else could steal anything.

Shortly after we left to go to some place that Tim"™s dad said was a gathering location should such an event occur. Tim carried me in his shirt pocket and when we got there it looked like the whole town was there also. Then everybody became quiet as someone stood up on a podium in front of the group.

From what I could tell this was probably the mayor of the town. This person spoke and said, "When I call your name say here." He started to go through some list and from what I could tell it was some kind of roster with all of the town"™s family"™s names on it. One by one the speaker went though the names. Sometimes he would call a name out and there would be no answer, we all knew that this probably meant that they were injured or dead. After some time the speaker said, "Greg Petterson," and Tim"™s father said, "Here."

After the roll call we were led into a big shelter and each family had their own table to sit at. Once we were at the table Tim pulled me out of his pocket and set me on top of the table. Once we were all sitting down I walked over to where Greg was sitting and I asked, "Whom he was speaking about when he spoke at the bunker?"

"The Kantorians from Kantora," Greg said, "Are a nation that is fighting with ours for land." He told us that they were a nation that thought of itself as a superior nation compared to everyone else, and that no one can stop them when they want something. Now they wanted land in order to expand their empire and since our nation, Mandora, was closest to Kantora, it is our land that they want.

I asked Greg why this nation was so powerful, and he said that it was because no one wants to fight with them because their army is very big and powerful. Greg then said that this didn"™t matter to us Mandorians because we were going to fight back, and that last nights bombing raid probably was the final straw for our commanders.

Shortly after, the speaker whom I found out was Mayor Danielson Barron, got on the megaphone and told us that anyone who was old enough to join the army would be able to momentarily. Greg looked down in shame and told us that he wants to fight but cannot because of a disability that he has. I then looked at Tim and told him that he should join the army and fight. Tim looked at me as if I was nuts, I told him that back on Earth I was a Captain in the Army and that if he joined I would be able to help him.

Tim"™s agreed to join and asked his parents if it would be ok. They both left the table to discuss the matter and when they returned they agreed to let Tim join. Tim walked to the desk, with me on his shoulder and signed the list of men and women who wanted to join the army. When he signed his name he looked a little unsure of himself and I reassured him by telling him that I would go with him for support and guidance.

Before Tim and I left for the train he said goodbye to his parents and Jane, and afterward I told him that we had to go back to my ship so I could get a couple of items. When we got to my ship that was back at the bunker I went through some of the things that I brought with me and took out my Captain"™s Uniform that I received in the Army. I put it on and walked back outside along with my rail gun. When Tim saw me in my uniform he was amazed because he hadn"™t seen me like this until now. Afterward we headed back to the train that was going to take us to command.

When we got to the base all of the new recruits had to line up and get their new uniforms. When it came to Tim"™s turn to receive his new uniform the Sergeant looked up at me and said, "What the hell is this." Tim then told him my name and I cut in and said that I was Captain Billups from planet Earth. The Sergeant started to laugh at me so I pulled out my rail gun and aimed it directly at him.

The Sergeant then began to laugh even harder and said, "What the hell is that little pea shooter supposed to do?" I told him that he had better watch what he says, and he said, "Or what? What the hell do you think you can do? Your only two inches tall." Tim just listened to us with a smirk on his face because he knew what was coming. I then turned around and fired my weapon at a huge tree that was behind us. The beam from the rail gun hit that base of the tree and after a purple flash of light and some sparks the tree was gone, and all that was left was a hole in the ground.

I then turned around pointed the gun back at the Sergeant and asked if he had any more questions for me. He quickly shook his head from side to side and said "No," and I told him again that my name was Captain Billups and also that I was going to train Tim here alone. With that being said we were both our way leaving behind one Sergeant with his mouth hanging open at what he just saw and herd.

When we got to our bunk Tim set me down on the desk in front of his bed and told me that what I did was pretty cool. I looked back at him and shook my head telling him that it wasn"™t cool. I told Tim that I didn"™t like other people knowing what I am capable of, because the weaponry that I possessed was nothing like what was here on Mallorn.

I realized this when we were walking to our bunk. I noticed that all of the weapons were like Earths weapons back in World War II. All of the planes still had props and my spaceship was probably the most advanced aircraft on this planet, and what Jacob had showed us earlier was probably top secret, and was not going to be used by the military any time soon.

I told Tim that the technology I possessed was to powerful for this planet, and that I would never use it in battle, because if it were to fall into the wrong hands, it would give that country the advantage to take over the world with ease. Tim understood and we didn"™t talk about it for the rest of the night. We both fell asleep that night with ease because we had had a long day.

The next morning came early. The Sergeant came through the bunks yelling something inaudible, and when Tim jumped up from being startled he nearly threw me off his chest. He looked at me and said that he was sorry, and I told him that it was ok. We both then sat there with a feeling of responsibility, because it was our first day of training.
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Postby dragon mith » Wed Mar 03, 2010 9:51 am

I asked Greg why this nation was so powerful, and he said that it was because no one wants to fight with them because their army is very big and powerful.

maybe word it diff, but thats still good!
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Postby deatheater » Wed Mar 03, 2010 3:40 pm

Well like i said here is another chapter, and tomorrow I'll post the fifth chapter. Lets see how Ken and Tim spend their first day at basic training.

Chapter 5: Basic Training

It was early in the morning, and we all had gathered in the mess hall for breakfast. There were long rows of tables with hundreds of wolfs eating what looked like eggs. Tim found an open seat at one of the tables, and we sat down to eat some breakfast. Tim set me down on the table and we dug into the meal, which actually was pretty good and not slop as I previously thought.

As we ate Tim and I talked about what we were going to do today, and that I was going to teach him to become a fighter pilot. "Are you sure that I can do it," Tim asked, and I told him that I would teach him to be as good as I was, and that, with me by his side he would not fail.

As we were talking another soldier sat down across from us and introduced himself. "Hi, my name is Private Jim Littlefield, what"™s yours?" I told him that my name was Captain Ken Billups and this here is Private Tim Petterson. Jim was a tall wolf probably in his mid twenties from what I could tell. When I asked, he told us that he was twenty-seven. Jim told us that he knew me from the video that was played on the news a few months ago, and that he wanted to meet me.

He told us that he was training to be a pilot as well, and that his father was already in the military. I told him that I was training Tim to be a pilot as well, and that today was going to be Tim"™s first day of training. Shortly after an alarm rang that sounded the end of breakfast and we all went outside.

Jim went off with his squad, waved to us, and said, "I"™ll see you guys around," and Tim and I went off to have Tim get his physical taken. After Tim passed his physical for flight training, I first had Tim do some basic training like running, and the obstacle course so that I could see what he could do.

After spending some time with basic training, I told Tim that what he did was enough for the day and then we went to the hangers so that we could get a good look at what we were flying. When we got inside the planes looked like P-51 Mustangs, and I told Tim that this would be interesting and fun.

I got one of the maintenance personnel to pull out one of the planes so that we could get a good look at it. I then began to show Tim all of the different parts of the airframe: the ailerons, rudder, and the elevator. I then showed Tim what to look for when checking out his airplane and how to determine if it was in an airworthy condition.

I explained to Tim that he needed to look for anything out of the ordinary when pre-flighting his plane. I told him, "Look for missing screws, bowing of the underbelly, flat tires, missing counter weights, and move all of the primary control surfaces to check for proper movement and also to make sure that they do not stick, and that there is nothing loose inside."

It took me about an hour to show Tim all of the necessary steps when checking a plane before flying it, and also reassured him that checking a plane will get easier, and that when he gets good at it, it will only take him a couple of minutes to complete one in the future.

It was now noon and time for lunch, and we both made our way back to the mess hall for something to eat. We sat down at the same table that we sat at for breakfast, and as Tim set me down on the table, we were greeted by Jim who sat down across from us.

I asked Jim how his day was going and he told us that it was great because he had just gotten back from training in the air for aerial combat. Tim looked at me and asked, "So when do I get to learn that?" I told Tim that he had to learn to fly first before we started shooting. Jim just laughed when I told him that, and Tim looked straight back at Jim with a look that said, "Oh shut up."

After talking to Jim for a while lunch was over, so Tim put me back on his shoulder and we went back outside to the plane. As we made out way to the plane, we talked about Jim and how nice he was, and that we were lucky to have a friend like him on our side.

When we got to the plane I had Tim do a walk-around, and also had him tell me everything that he was looking for and to explain why. Once he could do this without asking for help I told him that he was ready to fly. Tim was sure glad to hear this because he was just dieing to get into a plane and fly like I could.

Since I was so small and would have no control of the plane if something were to happen, I had someone else train Tim on the basics of flying. Once he could take-off, land, and fly solo, I switched places with Tim"™s trainer and started to teach Tim myself.

Tim was glad that I was teaching him again because he didn"™t like the other trainer that much. I told him not to worry because I was back, and that we are going to go out and learn some basic maneuvers the next time that we fly.

Later that day when we went flying, Tim showed me how good he was at basic flying since this was all that he knew. I told Tim that I was proud of him for learning so quickly and I felt confident flying with him. The first maneuvers that I taught Tim were power-on and power-off stalls. I told him that stalls were very easy to recover from and if the aircraft is balanced properly, and if you should panic, just let go of the controls and the aircraft will recover on its own. After stalls I taught Tim to perform chandelles and lazy eights so that he could show me mastery of the aircraft.

"Those were fun," Tim said after we landed. I explained that those maneuvers were performance maneuvers and that they show me how well you can manipulate the controls while keeping the aircraft coordinated throughout the maneuver.

It was time for dinner and at the mess hall we ate some beef and mashed potatoes, and talked to Jim about his day, and told him about ours. Tim was just ecstatic telling Jim about the maneuvers that he had just learned that day, and Jim just nodded with a smile and listened to Tim talk.

After dinner Tim and I went to our bunk and sat down at the desk and talked a bit before bed. Tim was writing a letter to his parents, and he mentioned that on the first day Ken showed off his new weapon to a Sergeant and now Ken was able to teach him by himself now. He also mentioned that he was learning to become a pilot like Ken, and that I was teaching him to fly like me. His letter also included some things about our new friend Jim, and how he was a pilot who was also in the army. Finally Tim"™s letter ended with him telling his parents that he loved them and that he misses them, but with Ken by his side he was ok.

After writing the letter we both went to bed to get some much needed rest for tomorrow. That night we both slept like babies after our hard days work. The next morning seemed to come quicker than the last, and I knew that it would be like this for the next couple of months.
Last edited by deatheater on Tue Nov 16, 2010 2:48 am, edited 1 time in total.
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